Gratitude

I really, really, really wanted to write this blog since Friday. But I had to wait and see how it would end before I knew what to write.

It started on Thursday morning. I had a series of routine medical tests my primary doctor had prescribed. I was pretty proud of myself – proactive health management and all. I went through the motions and mentally checked off the boxes – blood work, check, mammogram, check, other tests, check. All done! Yay for me for being on top of my health! And I went to work, dove into a special project, and thought nothing of it.

Friday started like most Friday’s. I took my daughter to an appointment. Went to work. Wrote a blog – for work this time. Went to a meeting. And then realized I had a voicemail. Picked up the unrecognized number nonchalantly and then my blood ran cold. “This is someone from the breast imagining clinic. You need to call us back immediately.”

WHAT? I listened to it again. WHAT? No.way. I have three kids that need to be raised still. They need their mom. I have a husband who loves me. I have a family and sisters who I love ever so deeply. I have friends who make me laugh and smile. Who will go on girl’s trips with me, join me at book club, and ride on mechanical Razorbacks with me. I have projects I’m passionate about and big ideas to conquer. I have trips to take and places to see. Miles to run and books to read. A house to remodel.

So.much.life.to.live. No way.

So I quickly called the clinic and was told “We see something we don’t like. You need to come in immediately for an ultrasound.”

Ummm….WHAT? I asked to speak to someone who could give me more information and was transferred to someone else. I asked for more information, shared that I was concerned and nervous, and was hoping they could share more.

Someone told me:
“Anytime we see abnormalities on a mammogram we need to do an ultrasound to get a closer look. It could be nothing. It could be something. You need to come in.”

“Of course. How about right now?”

“Will Tuesday work for you?”

“TUESDAY? Like, five days from now??”

Tuesday it was.

Now I can be a bit of a hypochondriac on a good day. And since my youngest daughter was diagnosed with a rare health condition, I’ve lost a bit of faith in the odds. I know what it is like to get a heartbreaking diagnosis when the odds are totally in your favor. Until they are not.

So I tried to advise myself that it was probably nothing. No need to worry. Worry wastes time and all that. But, I was FREAKING OUT. It was a long, long several days. I tried to stay busy. Talked to my family. Shed a few tears with my mom and sisters. Tried to seek renewal. Distracted myself at book club. Tried to tell myself that somehow it is always ok.

Finally this morning rolled around. I was grateful for a first thing appointment. I arrived early. With bells on. Let’s do it.

Gratefully, gratefully, gratefully it was a false alarm. I am totally, totally fine. IT WAS THE BEST DAY EVER!!!!

The silver lining of a health scare is that once you arrive on the other side, you are SO GRATEFUL. Everyday stresses seem completely meaningless. You hold the people you love closer. You realize that actually, truly every day is precious. These aren’t just words. They are truth.

So I skipped through the day today. I smiled brightly. Right now I am so giddy I want to go run a marathon. Or dance all night. And make the most of every moment.

But I want to share this experience because here is what I wish I would have known.

When I got the call I didn’t search – anything – on the Internet. Another side effect of receiving devastating health news – I know the Internet is a scary place. I decided searching for more information wouldn’t be helpful. Trying to distract myself was my chosen tactic.

I gave up late Monday night and did some searching. Here’s what I found:

• Breast cancer is a very common, and devastating cancer – in 2015, 231,840 new cases of invasive breast cancer and 40,290 deaths were expected in the U.S.
• While the diagnostic tests are good and improving, false positives are actually very common. The more mammograms a woman has, the more likely it is she will have a false positive result. The chance of having a false positive result after one mammogram ranges from 7-12%, depending on your age. After 10 yearly mammograms, the chance of having a false positive is about 50-60 percent.
• The chance of a false positive result is higher among younger women and women with dense breasts. (Most women younger than 50 have dense breasts so there’s overlap among these groups.)
• I’m not alone in being freaked out. Research has shown the freak-out is very common and women that have received false positive results are less likely to return for follow-up mammograms (85% percent of women who got a clean bill of health on a mammogram came back as scheduled the next time, compared to 80% of women who got a false positive).

As the Komen organization shares – false positive results are common and most women called back do not have breast cancer.

Don’t even get me started on why you aren’t told this information before your mammogram. Or certainly when called back. Maybe they don’t think people will take it seriously. Maybe they just have lousy bedside manner. But they should tell you this! So I share this with you today. In the hopes it will help someone.

And to still encourage my beloved lady friends to be proactive in their health management. One of the crazy things about breast cancer is there isn’t a standard recommendation on how often to get a mammogram or when to start. The recommendation ranges from age 40-50, depending on your family history and other factors. For this particular mammogram, my doctor told me some women would wait until age 50, some would go every year after age 40, and some would go every few years. Because I don’t have a family history, it was really up to me. For real? Why is this up to me? Shouldn’t there be standard guidance?

In the case of many women I know and love, we are so busy. We take care of our families. We know when our kid’s annual physicals are, who needs a flu shot, when the next orthodontic appointment is, when various specialty appointments need to be and so much more. It’s so easy to put ourselves on the back burner – or no burner. But we must prioritize our health. We are so worth it.

I deeply respect each woman’s right to choose what works best for them. For me, like probably everyone, I have watched people I love die from cancer. I’ve seen very good friends survive cancer. And I really, really want to avoid it at all costs.

So I am diligent with preventive health care. I am aggressive with screenings. And I am so, so, so grateful because I know even with all of this – any of us can receive that dreaded phone call and receive different results.

Life can change in an instant. So we really must make every instant count.