Today is Father’s Day and like every Father’s Day, I am so thankful for my dad. As the years go by and I see more of my friends lose their father’s, my gratitude only grows.
My dad has taught me so much over the years and I’ve been writing this blog in my head for a few days. And then yesterday, Facebook did me a solid and highlighted a memory from five years ago – a list of lessons from my dad that I had published on Father’s Day.
It was interesting to read the list and to see how many of those same lessons had been floating in my head while I pondered my blog. That, my friends, is longevity. And lessons well taught.
Just for fun, here was my list of lessons from five years ago:
1) Family comes first
2) Always act with integrity and honesty
3) Have a kind and generous heart
4) What do you do is not who you are
5) Only you can define who you are
6) Work hard at everything you commit to
7) Bear hugs solve most things
8) Strive to be respectful and calm, but always defend those you love
9) Loyalty matters – in everything
10) Make memories for your family, even if the camera blocks your view
11) Fill your gas tank before the low fuel light comes on
12) Choose a husband that will be a great dad
The list holds. Powerful lessons and beautiful memories behind each one.
For this blog, my list was similar. But I’ll expand a bit (the beauty of a blog vs Facebook) and choose some of my favorite ones. I still love “what you do is not who you are”, but that one was recently covered.
So here’s the 2018 version of….
Lessons From My Dad
1) Be Grateful
This one came early in life. One of my earliest memories, in fact. We were fortunate kids growing up, but came from a long line of hard workers on both sides. It was distinctly important to never be spoiled. My grandparents were frugal, even though they achieved success in their lifetime. My parents worked very hard to create a nice life for us. At the time, I didn’t really realize how far my family had come in a few generations, from farmers scraping by during the Depression to the nice life I grew up in.
So, that morning – I must have been 5 or 6 – was a memorable morning. Even at that age, I cared about fashion. I had distinct ideas about what I wanted to wear. Always. On this day, someone (I’m guessing my mom) had dressed me in a mint green Garanimals ensemble (do you remember Garanimals? Essentially matching separates. The fact that I remember shows how much I overthought my attire at the age). I hated mint green. I believe I threw a royal fit. Enough of a fit that my dad, who rarely got angry, gave me a good lecture on the importance of gratitude. And being grateful for what we had. Embrace the gifts you have in life. Be Grateful. There was no tolerance for bratty behavior. The lesson stuck. And I’ve embraced a lifetime of gratitude (mostly😊) ever since.
2) Work Hard and Create the Life You Want
My family has an amazing legacy of hard work. My dad’s parents were farmers and spent their lifetime building the family farm. Even after they had a successful farm, my grandma got up at 4:30am every day, canned jam and vegetables for the family cellar, and worked at the local shoe factory – because she could. She also had perfectly coifed hair, a persistent self-manicure, and loved pretty jewelry. My grandpa worked daily on the farm – often hard physical labor – well into his upper 80’s – because he could. Even after a tree fell on his face and shattered his jaw. He was a man of the land and worked hard.
My dad did not fall far from the tree. He graduated college early and was a high school teacher before becoming the counselor at the local high school. He also developed several farms, was a hands-on cattle farmer (often doing his own veterinary work), and was a real estate broker on the side. He worked hard for our family and to give us every opportunity. To this day, he works on his farms and stresses us all out because of the physical labor he still does single-handedly. But he does it anyway – because he can.
I never remember being lectured about the importance of hard work. It was just understood. I was taught by example. You worked hard. You were in charge of creating the life you want. Nothing comes easy in life, so you better be prepared to work for it. And we did. All three of us girls. We ended up with graduate degrees, all were accomplished athletes, and now we focus on building a future for our own children.
3) Expect the Best
This is another vivid memory. I was in high school and a boy friend was hanging out at our house with some other friends. Note the intentional spelling of “boy friend” vs “boyfriend.” In the somewhat common way of teenagers, this particular boy friend was not being particularly kind to me. A people pleaser at heart, I was bending over backward to appease and earn back goodwill. When he left the house, I was in tears.
My dad was having none of that. I remember he was so angry at the boy. He gave me another well-deserved, and brilliant, lecture. It went something like this… “Anyone that makes you sad, or doesn’t bring out the best in you, is not worth your time. They are not worthy. This boy….is not worthy. Save your time, your attention, the best of you… for people who are worthy. You deserve in the best in life. Surround yourself with people who see that. Who encourage you. And that are worth your time.”
This is one of the most important life lessons for us all. I’ve returned to it many times over the years. Because yes, in life, there are people who are simply not worthy. It’s become a mantra for me at times in certain situations, said in my head, “you are not worthy” to remind myself of my self-worth. For all of our children, they should expect the best. I am grateful for this lesson. It’s a good one.
4) Be Quietly Kind and Generous
One of the reasons I love going to my hometown is to see people who I grew up with. Inevitably, often, when I’m out and about, I hear stories about my parents. My mom taught kindergarten for over 20 years and her students still remember her. I hear about her kindness and how she made each child feel special – including many who didn’t feel special at home. My dad has a generosity that extends across his various jobs and in his daily life. I frequently hear stories of his generosity – of which he’s never shared with me. Gifts of time, resources, knowledge, wisdom, and financial assistance. I never knew it at the time because I was fortunate in high school and didn’t need much counseling. But I later learned how he had helped kids – some in my own universe – through teenage pregnancies, violent situations at home, depression, eating disorders, and other really tough situations. He helped countless kids earn college scholarships and others who weren’t college bound plot a path to a successful life in other ways. I am in awe of his quiet generosity.
My favorite story is more pedestrian, but a bit of a classic. My wedding was on July 3rd – intentionally chosen so our Seattle friends could attend and we could throw an epic week-end of fun for our friends – a fun mix of hometown buddies, college friends, and Seattle friends. It was not easy to get to my hometown – literally 4 hours from the nearest major airport. To this day, I’m surprised I didn’t factor that into the planning more. But I wanted to get married in my hometown. The day after my wedding (which was pretty epic by all accounts), we rented pontoon boats and a large group took over a local lake in northern Arkansas. It was an incredibly fun day and my dad orchestrated it all. About half way through the day, one of the groomsman speaks up and says, “Oops, my flight is leaving later this afternoon. Do you think I can make it?” As I recall, his flight was in about 5 hours. We were a solid four hours from the airport in the middle of a large lake. My dad, being my dad, volunteers to drop everything and “run him” to the airport – a nearly 9 hour round trip. No problem. That’s my dad in a nutshell. Even though the friend would have been hard-pressed to actually make the flight, my dad was willing to give it a shot. Luckily, the flight was missed and more fun was had.
5) Tell a Great Story
My dad can tell a great story. It may not be a fast story, told in his southern drawl and rich with details. But they are typically full of humor, memorable and enjoyable for us. Another wedding story illustrates this. A different groomsman had a bathroom emergency and another friend was trying to distract my dad from going down a hallway while said emergency was being cleaned up. The friend quickly asked my dad a few questions about the hallway of family photos – and was rewarded with stories rich with details, proud moments, and the love of a storytelling dad shining through. He shared so many stories, he forgot he was heading down the hallway for a reason and was distracted from the disaster at hand. Mission accomplished. Just a proud dad telling stories.
I like to think my love of storytelling and writing comes from this side of my family. My grandpa was the same way. Some of my favorite childhood memories are sitting on my grandparent’s porch with the breeze blowing, listening to my dad and grandpa tell stories. Often these stories had underlying meaning if you listened closely enough. I love my dad’s stories and am grateful every time he gets rolling. It’s history, it’s memories, it’s pure love.
6) Family is Everything
This one sounds cliché, but is so meaningful to me. When I think about my dad, my first memories are not how hard he worked. They center around how much he has always loved me. To this day, if I have an accomplishment – big or small – he is the first person I want to call. I can’t count the number of times I have heard “I’m so proud of you.” What a gift that is, to know you are deeply, deeply loved and to believe at the depths of your soul that your hero is proud of you.
I was a runner growing up and my dad was always there to cheer me on. Typically holding a camcorder the size of a small microwave on his shoulder. He missed so much action trying to film me. But he knew the memories were a gift. And when I go home, I have a literal library of VHS tapes to choose from. Someday I will convert them to digital, not so much because I want to relive each race, but because the tapes are illustrative of a father’s love.
I had a lot of great days growing up. And a few tough ones. And as life has progressed, even more. My dad has been a rock of strength. A source of inspiration. The most treasured hug. A shoulder to cry on. And a gift to me always.
I love you dad.
The Redefining 