Resolving

I really do love a New Year. There is something about a new year that feels like a blank journal. 365 pages ahead of you. Empty chapters to complete. In the best of circumstances, you chart your own narrative. And at the end of the year, look back and hopefully respond affirmatively that yes, I made the very most of this year.

I take the New Year’s resolution business seriously. Perhaps that’s why I’m committing to my 2019 resolutions on January 5th. A few days late, but I wanted to thoughtfully recharge post holiday and choose wisely. You see, I think the best resolutions shouldn’t be pressure-filled or trivial commitments you set aside in a few weeks. The best resolutions can be life changing – they push you to look at the world in new ways, experience new things, and ensure that life does not stagnate. They are inspiring and push you to better yourself. They are uniquely yours, which is why it always feels a bit odd and personal to share mine.

But in the spirit of being thought-provoking, or perhaps hopefully inspiring, here is my list for 2019. Some of these are more thematic, others will be more specific.

1. Embrace presence. Initially this item was titled “embrace stillness.” Then I realized that wasn’t quite right. It isn’t quiet that I seek. Although sometimes a quiet moment is a huge gift. But presence is something worthwhile always – being fully engaged, aware and alert to the moment at hand. Not letting life – your worries, your wandering mind, or increasingly, your phone – distract you. What if we could be in the moment – each moment – for this entire year? A bit unrealistic, of course, but a noble goal. A huge thing for me this year will be distance from my phone. It is so obvious, it feels trite to even include. But I think it will ultimately have a big impact on my year, so not only do I include it, I include it at the top. The screen time feature that recently came to iOS is a good one – and terrifying. When I saw my first report, I thought it surely had to be a mistake. But between work emails, social media, and the bulk of my online reading and shopping moving to my phone – yup, its a real number. So I will watch it closely and watch it decrease – dramatically. A few changes will make a big difference. Top of the list? Not bringing my phone to bed. Many nights I think I’m too tired to properly read, so instead browse my phone and read blogs, news articles, etc. Often an hour goes by and I realize – what a waste. I didn’t really read anything interesting or meaningful. I was simply robbing sleep for mindless distraction. Kind of like how I used to treat episodes of Friends, but without the laughter. This will end. Instead, I will choose to be present in each moment.
2. Death to perfectionism. I’ve read a few books this past year that have covered the challenges people, women in particular, face when too focused on being too perfect. Sadly, many of us don’t even realize we’re doing it. It’s the classic good girl syndrome. As young girls in school, we’re encouraged to be quiet, to be good, to work hard to earn our gold star or straight A’s. How ironic that as we enter the workforce, these same traits likely hold us back. An aversion to risk-taking, a delay in action while waiting for perfection, a constant seeking of approval, an inability to accept compliments, and often putting other’s needs ahead of our own. I see this cycle in my own life so very frequently and with so many of my friends. The trick is being aware and mindful that this quest for perfectionism/gold star/straight A is likely holding us back. From pursuing our dreams. From trying new things. From putting ourselves out there to what the universe can offer. Personally, this was one of the most illuminating lessons for me in 2018 and while I really have to work to undue 40+ years of habitual perfectionism, I’m trying hard to approach life with a different lens.
3. Pursue passion and purpose. The Power of Meaning encourages each of us to find our purpose. How do I ensure that I am living fully and experiencing each moment? Do I know my purpose on this earth? Even if not, am I satisfied that each day feels like a meaningful investment to a meaningful life? Purpose on a given day can simply be pursuing joy, it can be focused on those we love, it can be furthering a career, or making a difference in the world. The beautiful thing about passion is that it can be varied and you can have many of them. But, without purposeful focus, our time can drift and our passions can be underserved. This year, I will focus on pursuing my passions with intentional purpose – this is the resolution.
4. Commit to writing. What’s up two days in a row of writing??!! Silly, of course, because it’s only two days. But it’s a start! Every time I write, I’m always glad I made the time and created the headspace. The creative outlet is so good for me and writing with purpose – or without – brings me joy. This is enough. And, I’m encouraged by my nice friends who compliment my writing. In the spirit of Playing Big (another recent favorite book by Tara Mohr), why shouldn’t I write a book? And not someday, but soon. This year I lay the foundation. I’m going to work to structure this blog topically so I can write about things I love and see what perhaps could become book-worthy. Building a readership will be helpful too. While I have built a career at Microsoft building profiles and brands for my company and for many executives, this doesn’t come naturally to do for myself. But it is helpful in today’s world and I love to see comments and feedback. So I will push myself to write, to share, and to promote.
5.  Build strength. I take a broad definition to strength. This resolution encompasses mind, body, and soul. I have really enjoyed my commitment to learning new things and experiencing new points of view via expansive reading. This I will continue to do, seeking out other new ways of strengthening my mind. I’ve started listening to podcasts during my commute (about a decade behind), but I love the opportunity to fill my mind with something interesting vs. radio show host banter. Strength of body will be a challenge for me. While I love to run and work out in general, I prefer movement, so traditional strength-based work-outs haven’t been my thing. As <ahem> middle age approaches, I see what was predicted. The whole use it or lose it phenomenon. So this year, I want to get strong. All over body strong. Arms, core, legs, you name it. No intense body builder stuff, but so I can run healthy and rock a bikini level. This will take some work and commitment, but I look forward to the challenge. Finally, strength of soul is something I will pursue. The Power of Meaning book inspired this one too. How can I strengthen my soul this year? It may be through reading, writing, going to yoga, pursuing new schools of thought, or taking my kids to church. We will see.
6.  Learn new things. This is an extension of one of last year’s resolutions. I am simply giddy with the opportunity to learn new things. It keeps me young and engaged with life. The blanket statement is so generic though, it isn’t overly useful. So I’ll give a few specific examples. I’ll continue to be a voracious reader – at least 20 books this year. I didn’t keep a list last year because it seemed too nerdy, but this year I have no shame in my nerd game. It would be interesting to look back on and remind myself what I have learned. I will learn how to play golf. I may not become a decent golfer, but I’m going to learn how to play. I took a set of lessons years ago before we had kids but have forgotten everything. Now, we live on a golf course. We have a golf cart. My husband golfs. My friends golf. It’s ridiculous that I can’t socially golf. So I will learn. And take lessons this spring/summer with my big kids. A great way to learn is to travel. I like the idea of three trips a year that require planning and research – learning a new culture or uncharted territory. This doesn’t count our typical family vacations which have relaxing at the core or visiting family. I have two on the horizon – a girls trip with my mom and sisters and a trip to Greece in May., so I just need a third! I have some professional goals in this area too, but I’ll share more on those another time.
7.  Embrace food as fuel. This isn’t a new fad diet or a desired number on the scale. It’s a mindset – the notion of embracing food as fuel. The reality is I already eat pretty healthy (most of the time) – or at least not unhealthy. But like many things, I can skimp on myself when time crunched. Which leads to skipping breakfast entirely – even after I’ve gone for a morning run (so bad!!!) – sometimes scarfing down an energy bar for lunch between meetings – or drinking a Diet Coke in the afternoon for the caffeine kick (the aspartame!!). And dinner, wow does dinner get more complex when you have teenagers. My youngest has a special diet so she always requires her own dinner. Then my son plays a lot of basketball on two different teams and has evening practice at least three times a week. Add in tutoring sessions, homework, or other commitments for my oldest daughter and dinner can turn into a three meal circus real fast (youngest, other kids between commitments, grown up dinner). Because of the schedule, we’ve fallen into a rut of the same quickly made meals for the kids, which doesn’t give them a diversity of food, makes the kitchen duty feel endless each night, and we’re all ready for some new options. So this year, I will commit to eating three proper meals a day (yes, that is as ridiculous as it sounds), no more Diet Coke!, more fruits and vegetables, and preparing thoughtful great dinners for us to eat as a family at least a few times a week. Of course we’ll eat the other nights too, but I want special nights. With great new food and dedicated family time.
8.  Develop community and plan for fun. Another one that is a bit recycled from last year and is a bit embarrasing in its lameness. But this one is hard for me! Amidst the parenting, careers, and other life commitments, I managed to make regular exercise a priority in 2018. It was awesome! But I did not regularly deliver on this resolution. It’s too easy for me to drop it when things get busy – and things are always busy! Like every resolution worth having, it will take focus to make progress. As my current favorite guidebook, The Power of Meaning, articulates, a sense of Belonging is one of the four most critical components for a meaningful life. I have dear friends in so many areas of my life and I want more of them! It will take focus, planning and prioritization. But now I have a great entertaining house. And when I drop the whole perfectionist thing, I could have friends over all the time! There are great experiences to have in Seattle and I need to seek these out, put them on the calendar and make them happen. I’d love to pursue joining a running group and have my eye on one that meets Thursday evenings. This will take prioritization, but I want to give it a try. A work in progress this one, but every fun moment, I’m reminded that it is so worthwhile.

So there you have it! Eight resolutions for 2019. I really wanted to stick to five but I couldn’t bring myself to drop any of these. It’s exciting to embrace a year with optimism and energy for what’s possible. And even if I don’t nail them all, I know I will be better for trying. 

Happy 2019!