Student of the Month

I had the most awesome conversation with my niece the other night. She lives in Missouri and while I only get to see her a few times a year, she makes my heart melt.

She had an incredible week. Celebrated her eighth birthday with several parties, donuts, and lots of fun. Learned of an upcoming trip to Disney World with many fun excursions planned. And nailed some tough medical tests with the toughness of a champion.

But you know what she chose to tell me first? That she received Student of the Month at her school.

Amazing.

It so resonated with me. Of all the incredible things in her life, Student of the Month rose to the top of the heap. You see, she is an articulate firecracker full of positive energy and confidence. As she explained, “It’s really hard to get Student of the Month.” And I thought, “yes, it is…particularly if you are a firecracker.” I so hope she stays true to the core of who she is in all her sparkling, shining glory. Because she is amazing.

I totally get the Student of the Month fascination. When I was her age I really wanted to be Student of the Month. Year after year it passed me by. I would count the months and think statistically speaking out of a class of roughly 25 students, “Seriously?? Surely one of these years I would hit the bar…”

Finally at the end of sixth grade, in a moment of utter frustration I asked my teacher, “WHY CAN’T I BE STUDENT OF THE MONTH?!?”

And I still remember what she said.

“You talk too much and have too much to say. If you would just sit there quietly you might have a chance.”

I remember feeling really indignant. Surely you could be Student of the Month and contribute to the class and have an opinion? Didn’t those of us with a point of view also deserve to be Student of the Month?

Actually, no. I never did get Student of the Month (except in kindergarten, but that seemed a bit like cheating as my mom was a kindergarten teacher – although not my teacher – I had a serious head start on life).

While I had several excellent teachers in elementary school, I didn’t realize the power of being a good speaker and articulating a point of view until high school when I joined the speech and debate team. Finally! A place where speaking with an opinion and debating facts was appreciated! (thank you Mrs. Garrett). These skills ended up being the most helpful in my career.

At the time, and really until the last year, I didn’t realize how these experiences helped shape me.

Here’s a few facts:

• Women earn 60% of the master’s degrees in the United States
• Girls graduate high school with an average GPA that is higher than boys
• By 2021, women will represent almost 60% of all higher ed students

Yet, women hold very few leadership positions in Fortune 500 companies. In my own company, Microsoft, which I love, only 19% of leaders are female. This is an increase of 9% from when I started – but that was 21 years ago. What year is this??

I could write many other blogs on why I believe this is. And I may. But I’ll stay on the Student of the Month thematic and harken back to my sixth grade teacher and her advice to me that I should be quiet.

In Tara Mohr’s incredible book “Playing Big”, she describes the phenomenon (which is super common) like this:

“What if girls are doing so well in school because school requires many of the same abilities and behaviors as being a “good girl”: respect for and obedience to authority, careful rule-following, people-pleasing, and succeeding in an externally imposed framework? What if women are earning more advanced degrees in part because it’s harder for them to ever feel as if they’ve gotten enough training to start leading? And what if because of the nature of school – the skills we develop there but also the abilities we lose – all that academic training translates into their success at mid-levels in organizations, but it will not translate to their increased numbers as senior leaders, change makers and innovators?

Mind blown. Katty Kay and Claire Shipman propose a similar dynamic in “The Confidence Code.” Because of the way many girls are raised and rewarded in school, we bring what turn out to be bad habits into the workplace. Overpreparing, overthinking, people pleasing, underselling, self-deprecating, an aversion to risk, and a desire to be likable – many of the same traits that made many of us successful in school have without a doubt, held us back in our careers.

They go so far as to advise, “If you want your daughter to have the confidence later in life to buck the system and advocate for herself, you need to encourage her to be a little bit bad.”

I hope there is a new trend underway. Where girls can be Student of the Month when they have a lot to say. When they bring energy to a classroom. When they compete for excellence. When they do not shy away from achievement but strive for it. When they are encouraged to take risks, fail, and not have to be friends with everyone. And when they are pushed to go for it – whatever it is.

So rock on, Miss Becca. I love that you are the Student of the Month. I love even more that you earned it by being you.