I swear the best lines are said during yoga class.
Right now I’m taking a few classes a week – virtually on my computer – from instructors from one of my favorite yoga studios. It’s not quite the same – even safely ensconced in my basement I can still hear the thunder of my family’s feet above me and once, the roar of the vacuum. But, it is good for my hips and my soul.
The other day the instructor was talking about this challenging time and how we are all navigating the unknown.
Yes! We are!
I pondered that phrase on my run this morning. I’ve written about the helpers and my sadness for so many during this COVID-19 crisis.
As I ran down my favorite path bright and early, I realized there is another group that will struggle mightily during a pandemic. The planners!
That is me. I am a planner. My entire life I have had a specific life plan. Academics. Athletics. Professional. Family. You name it – there was a plan. With only a few unexpected curveballs (who knew I would end up in Seattle? who knew I would have a precious child who also has disabilities?), life has largely gone according to plan. Like most working mom’s, I plan our lives carefully – activities, tutoring, travel and more! I plan for work. I plan for success. I plan for fun. Even when I try to roll with life, I’m happier with a plan. I like things to look forward to. Which is why I had no less than five trips planned with family and loved ones during this crisis. All cancelled now.
But of course, here’s the thing about a pandemic. No one planned for it. No one wanted it. No one wanted it disrupting life as we know it. But here we are.
For me and my family – so far, blessedly – it is an annoying and scary interruption of life as we know it. I hope we can stay in this zone.
But the planner in me does not like this ambiguity. I want to know when my kids will go back to school. I want to know when I’ll see my family in other parts of the country again. I want to know when we can safely travel again. I want to know when I can visit colleges with my daughter. I want to know she will get to enjoy her senior year with her friends. I want to know my kids will have the same delightful college experience as decades of kids before them. You see? I could go on.
If I really think about it, one of those curveballs mentioned above should have been great training for this ambiguous moment.
We found out my youngest daughter would have significant disabilities due to a brain malformation when she was 8 months old. People with her condition (agenesis of the corpus callosum) have a wide range of life experiences and capabilities. There was – and is – no magic ball. It is very easy to get nearly suffocated with grief, worry, and fear when you don’t know what life your child will have. Or if they will get a full life. Without a doubt, it will be a very different life than you would have chosen. Because it will be hard. And limited.
But. You teach yourself that worry wastes time and to remember that each day is a gift. And the best advice another set of parents gave us was to not look more than six months ahead. Because it was overwhelming. And pointless. They were right. Prepare for the curveballs by….not preparing.
So I’m taking these lessons forward to help me navigate this current unknown. It is different, of course. But without a doubt, we should learn as we go through life. I’m not taking a six month lens in this instant – I prefer to look two to four weeks ahead. That is useful for me. And not overwhelming.
Whatever helps you navigate this unknown, I hope you have the strength and clarity to focus on what helps you – and set the rest aside. Even just for now.
As I finished my run, this beautiful sky brought me much joy. I was talking to my mom on the phone as I walked toward my house and stopped to take this picture. The sun broke through the clouds. And I am navigating.
The Redefining 