#45

Well hello, old friend. It’s nice to see you again.

It has been so long ago that I have written that I honestly couldn’t remember what my last post was about. Funny, it’s a good reminder as I look back.

The last few months have been so incredibly wild and unexpected. Our country is still in the height of battling the COVID-19 pandemic, despite most other industrialized countries largely containing the virus. It is so sad, so frustrating, and still so very scary.

We are largely still in quarantine – nearly 5 months at this point. We have taken some liberties to give our teenagers a bit more freedom, but what would have been so unheard of just six months ago is now the norm.

I still have no idea when I will see my family in Missouri and Texas again. This breaks my heart the most. Unfortunately, our area (Seattle) got hit early and has maintained a steady state of trouble, and now the virus is now spiking in the areas of those I love. It is terrifying to be so far away and depressing to not know when and how this will end.

My immediate family has spent a lot of together time. My husband and I both have still been working from home. I went into the ghost town of my office – dusty and desolate – to bring a computer monitor home, but otherwise, I haven’t stepped foot in my office. Instead, my days are full of video calls, emails, and juggling a full house with a busy work schedule.

My kids never went back to school this spring. What we initially had hoped would be a few weeks off, turned into a month, and then finally the acknowledgement that there would be no in-person schooling or activities. So they too, have spent their days on screens and video learning.

For several months, our social circle was very limited. First to just the five of us. Then a responsible nanny to help with my youngest. Then to my daughter’s boyfriend and son’s girlfriend. Now, to a few more friends but with careful planning, like spending time outside, careful disinfecting, and more. We are balancing our fear of the virus with the sanity of mental health and trying to live a somewhat normal life. It is hard.

The world seems like such a different place. In our area, masks or facial coverings are required to go into any business. We all look like old-school bank robbers and I miss seeing people’s smiles. “Social distancing” is a thing – where we are supposed to stay six feet apart to limit the virus spread. Indoors is far worse for transmitting the disease – so we haven’t been inside a restaurant, we largely buy our groceries and supplies online, and actually disinfect those same groceries and supplies when they arrive at our home. There is no hugging or physical contact, which is so tough to do when you finally see a friend you haven’t seen in months. Friends and families struggle because of isolation, depression or total disagreement on how to handle a pandemic.

Our family is more conservative than many. But not as much as some. It is really hard to know the right thing to do, particularly with teenagers that you desperately want to help shepherd through these unprecedented times.

Yet, I am reminded to be grateful. We are healthy. We are hoping to stay healthy until they find a vaccine. Those closest to us have also stayed healthy. We are fortunate to have jobs and paychecks. We have been able to enjoy the spring and summer by getting outside.

For me, as an extreme extrovert, I have coped by trying to still do things I love. I go for a run or do a yoga work-out most days. I have read a literal mountain of books. I try to make time quality fun time – not just endless time – with my family. I have really enjoyed hanging with my kids (who have been home so much more) and trying to make them laugh. I have thrown myself into different work projects, which have kept my mind active and connected to people – even if by video. And, I have a few girlfriends that are like beacons of delight when I see them. After a few months, my girlfriend and I started our morning runs again and what a gift they are. Recently I have met up with a few girlfriends to reconnect or go for a hike and I am reminded how much I love my friends.

I’m reflecting tonight because it’s my last night to be 45. I’m at our mountain cabin, enjoying a peaceful night to myself before my family comes up tomorrow. I’ve gone for walks, read a good book, took a hot tub and watched some trash TV. But I wanted to pause and reflect for a minute about this crazy chapter of life – one that I hope passes soon for everyone I love.

In some ways, I wanted to get this summary update post cleared out. As the months go by, you really have to keep fighting to be positive. And I have missed this writing outlet. So as I look ahead to #46 (holy cow!), I’m a little sad that #45 didn’t turn out as I had hoped. Since February, it has been this side of crazy.

But I’m grateful to have my family and my friends. I’m grateful we bought this mountain house and made it a second home I love in October – who knew we would enjoy it so much during a pandemic?? I’m grateful for my career, which has seen some unexpected boosts over the last six months with some exciting developments on the horizon. That risk I wrote about last? It just might be paying off.

As I look forward to #46, I want to remember to choose joy. Choose learning and growth. Choose making the most of each year – even if they are during a pandemic. I really do want to look back on this pandemic as a meaningful moment in my life. I’m not quite there yet. But I’m going to keep trying.