Birthday!

Happy birthday to me! I’m officially 46 and I honestly can’t believe it.

Typically I love birthdays. I believe they should be celebrated wholeheartedly. I’ve always gone over-the-top for my kid’s birthdays and will never turn down a good birthday celebration. As I’ve gotten older, I have more appreciation for grown-up birthdays. Everyone should celebrate their birthday with as much glee as their younger self. Each year, truly, is a gift.

But this one, #46, has kind of rocked my world. Even when I turned 30, and then 40, I felt “young.” I’ve always looked young (thank you genetics and small stature) and I am certainly young at heart. But 46. Hmmm. Awfully close to 50. And that definitely has to count as middle-age.

The notion of middle-age is one I don’t love. Historically this has meant the downhill slope of life. I’m not ready for the downhill. I’m not ready to coast. I don’t want to cut my hair into a sensible haircut, wear one-piece swimsuits, or unironic mom jeans. I’m not ready!

And then I read about the 70 year-old woman who runs a 3:00 marathon. I look at Jennifer Aniston. Or my friend Shannon. I see friends making bold career choices. Or getting back in the game as their kids are moving out of the home.

And I know I have my own bold goals. And big dreams. And I am reminded that age ain’t nothing but a number. Rather than dread 46, I’m ready to embrace it. With boldness. With strength. With joy. With gratitude.

I want this to be year that shakes up the other years. If we learn nothing from a pandemic, this year should stand out in a notable way. And not just because a pandemic is awful. But because we have the opportunity to break the mold, to carefully consider what matters, to be reminded that years aren’t guaranteed, and we only get this one, beautiful life.

So what to do with 46? I want to push myself outside my comfort zone. I read something this morning that said “comfort is the opposite of growth.” It’s a cool notion. Whether pursuing a professional challenge, learning to play golf, mastering a few new dishes to serve at dinner parties (someday!), or finding socially distant adventures, I want to prioritize growth. There really is so much more to learn in the world.

And I want to embrace those I love the most. Making memories. Cherishing time. This is my daughter’s last year at home before heading off to college. I want it to be magical for us both. Somehow. My son will get his driver’s license this year and with this milestone comes all new independence. I want to go along for the ride – at least sometimes. And my youngest continues to warm my heart with her sweet giggles and own sense of adventure. So adventures we will find.

So far 46 is fantastic. I woke up early to texts from friends. Drank a few cups of coffee in the quiet house while reading a great book. Took Zoe on a leisurely stroll on trails this beautiful morning. Ran four miles. Now I sit in my bikini and await my families’ arrival. The sun is out. The pool is ready for us.

And I’m ready to make the very most of this very first day of 46.