Relaxing

Today is National Relaxation Day. This is a real, actual thing.

I have no idea who created it, but like most “day’s”, I started seeing images and posts on social media celebrating it.

It caught my eye because I had been thinking about writing a blog about – relaxing.

I have realized a huge adjustment for me during this quarantine has been embracing relaxation. I have found that I have a very active brain, which can be hard to settle. I also have a real drive for productivity and often feel like I should be “doing” something productive. These aren’t necessarily good things. Finally, I think the real challenge has been I am simply out of practice.

You see, I have been a mom for nearly 18 years. So counting pregnancy, the last 19 years of my life have focused on my precious children first. Combined with a demanding and fulfilling career, there hasn’t been a whole lot of time for relaxing. For the first many years of my kid’s lives (now there are three), I carried such working mom guilt. I felt tremendous pressure to make every moment count with them when I was home. We had tea parties, endless hours of Lego’s and Playmobil games, dress-up galore, hide-and-seek marathons, outside fun, healthy meals, cute clothes, learning opportunities and so much more. By the time they were asleep, I was exhausted and knew one of them would be up by 5:30 or 6am (early birds! All three! back then anyway…).

Then, as they got older, playing make-believe was replaced with carpooling and cheering. My older two kids did the typical grade school/middle school sports year-round. My son fell in love with basketball and has been part of an intense select team for the last four years – with year-round practice and week-end long tournaments. My oldest daugther played select volleyball and other activities requiring driving, driving, driving. And there was the tutoring. And other classes. And my youngest has typically been along for the ride. Between work and being a Type-A mom, there was definitely very little time for relaxing.

When the world is normal, I am really proud of myself if I prioritize 4-5 hours of exercise each week. If I read a book that I enjoy. If I make time to write. All told, I typically have about 30-60 minutes each day to just “relax.” And usually this is at the very end of the day when I am exhausted. So “relaxing” ends up looking like scrolling through my phone or trying to focus on a book while my eyelids droop. Even last night, “relaxing” looked like listening to a favorite podcast while I folded a mountain of laundry. Does that count??

But since quarantine, I have found myself – for the first time in literal decades – with….time. Our week-ends are quiet. There aren’t any practices, games or big social gatherings. There is no commute. Or evening practices or activities during the week. My kids – now almost 18, 16 and 13 – don’t really want to hang out with mom all that much. Although we have had some really special time together.

With my extra time, I have realized I need to re-learn how to relax. To simply just be. To set aside To-Do lists and expectations. To not feel pressured to go, go, go to the next thing.

Perhaps this will be my greatest gift of COVID-19. A reminder to slow down. The peacefulness of reading a good book on my porch swing – in the middle of the day! – for as long as I feel like it. For luxuriating in a long bubble bath. For long, slow talks with family and girlfriends from afar or on our deck. For zoning out to favorite TV shows.

There is something beautiful about….relaxing. We all deserve a pause in the day. Time to chill without accomplishment. Now that I’ve found my way back, I hope to never lose it again.