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Summer Lovin’

It’s Labor Day, which is always bittersweet. The official end of summer and the official back to the chaos of fall. It is also the time of year when many of our kids will write their “What I Did/What I Learned Over the Summer” essay upon returning to class.

It’s an interesting question – and an opportunity for reflection for all of us. I thought about what my essay would look like while on a walk with Zoe. I’m proud of my essay for this summer because I approached this summer (more than any in recent memory), with an intentional plan. Here are the top things I learned this summer:

1) Epic Family Vacations Can Be Unstructured
This summer, the biggest thing I wanted was a great family vacation. We love to travel and show our kids new things. About four years ago, Taylor started having seizures on airplanes, so we grounded her from flying. I have never experienced greater stress than a grand mal seizure at 30,000 feet over the Pacific Ocean on a trip to Hawaii – in both directions. We’ve taken lots of car trips as a family since then and just the big kids on bigger adventures, but the time felt right for a true traveling vacation. With strong support from Taylor’s neurologist, great medication to use in case of an emergency, and some confidence in our ability to handle it – off we went. The flights went great, and we had a great vacation.

Our destination was southern California – chosen due to short flight time, access to the beach, and the opportunity to show our kids new experiences. We home-based in Newport Beach for a week and then moved to Del Mar, north of San Diego, for about a week. It was amazing. We explored beaches up and down the coast, swam for hours, played in the waves, and soaked up the sun. We had a few adventures – a day trip to Hollywood and a day trip to Sea World – but for the most part, it was unstructured fun time. Such a luxury to wake up and your biggest decision of the day being “Which beach to visit?”

I knew I had the right plan when my son asked me shortly before we left, “The beaches sound cool…. but will we get any free time?” For spring break, we took the big kids on a fast-paced tourist trip of NYC and Washington DC. While a success, it was an aggressive schedule. So, the promise of relaxation and no schedule was a big hit all around.

Such an important reminder for me. I can be a hard charger  and some trips bring pressure to develop the perfect itinerary – but relaxation is a gift. I’m glad we took it.

While in California, I read 5 books (including The Nest, Modern Lovers, and The Couple Next Door – all of which I highly recommend). Hung out with the kids. Went for great runs with amazing views. Found Ozark on Netflix. Had the white space to think about big questions – like, what do I want to do with my life? This blog, actually, was dreamed up while on a run on this vacation. We saw dear friends we hadn’t seen in a few years and I had long talks on the beach with one of my best girlfriends.

Of course, it wasn’t all perfect. There were days with too much screen time. Taylor ended up with a fever in Del Mar for four days and had to stay inside. So much unstructured time led to the dreaded complaint of “I’m bored.” But all in all, a big hit. And the highlight of my summer.

2) Learning is Energizing
I took a new job about a year ago. It’s a different type of job (Chief of Staff for the head of marketing for Windows and Devices at Microsoft) than I’ve ever done, which have focused on public relations and marketing. It’s a bit of an intangible role – and a huge reason to take a position like this is to learn and grow as a business leader. My boss has strongly encouraged me to prioritize learning – and growth – so this summer I built a specific plan, with specific goals, with this coaching in mind.

I chose ten books* to read – all for different reasons – but I was excited to read them all. I didn’t just read these books – I studied them. Highlighted the heck out of them with fluorescent pens. Took notes and wrote detailed books reports – I kid you not – which I shared with my colleagues. I figured if I was going to commit to learning, I was going to REALLY commit.

I loved it. I was an enthusiastic student in my youth and I hadn’t had this level of intense study since my master’s program. Here is the beautiful thing about taking time to learn. You realize how much you DON’T KNOW. The world is huge, knowledge is powerful, new perspectives are inspiring, and learning ignites creativity. Learning literally makes you feel young again. With so much potential for growth, knowledge and impact.

Another part of my growth plan was meeting with marketing leaders who work for other companies about hot trends in marketing, and over 40 people on my team – many of whom are early in their career. Meeting with no other agenda than – I want to learn from you – is so interesting and energizing. What do you do? What do you love? What do you not love? Where do you see opportunity? These conversations were gifts and a reminder of how many amazing people are in this world if we just take the time to meet them.

3) Friends Make the World Go Round
I had the unexpected pleasure of seeing lots of friends this summer, from all parts of my life. My 25th year high school reunion was this summer, and I had planned my annual summer trip home around the date. I love seeing my family, hanging out with my parents and sisters, and their awesome families. This year, I got the added bonus of re-connecting with friends who shaped me from a young age.

At the reunion, I largely hung out with girlfriends from my grade school days. Our grade school was a K-8 school, with about 25 kids per grade. So by graduation, you know each other VERY well. These are friends who have known me the longest in this world. Who remember me in pigtails. Who shared a million sleep-overs, horror movies, first secrets, and mountains of junk food with me. Who have memories of me and my family that I had long forgotten. What a gift to catch up and see how strong the bonds of early friendship can be so many years later.

I saw my best friend from high school a few times and again, reconnected like no time had passed. We sat on her parent’s couch for hours and talked, talked, and talked – while she gave me an unsolicited foot rub. Who else but your best friend will rub your feet – for hours – without you even asking? This is a friend who has celebrated my best times and carried me through my worst times. She knows me better than pretty much anyone on the planet – and loves me all the same. I love her dearly.

Then in California, one of my best early-in-career work friends was vacationing in San Diego at the same time. Our daughters figured out the timing via Instagram and we met up for a few days of fun. She was my dear friend at Microsoft while we were all figuring out our career and our lives. We spent hours at lunches, at smoke breaks (neither one of us smoked, but another dear friend did, so we often chatted during her smoke breaks), and in the dog years of long, long hours at work. We had our babies at the same time and our first daughters shared a nanny. For those years, we commuted together and talked about everything in hours and hours of traffic. She has since moved away, but again – we reconnected like no time had passed.

Three distinct chapters of my life delivered via amazing girlfriends. The absolute best. Lifelong friendships are gifts. They deserve to be cultivated, nurtured, and kept alive. They connect us to our past and add meaning to the different chapters of our lives.

Of course, summer is fun in Seattle with my day-to-day friends. Girlfriends. So special. So important to make time for.

Three important lessons this summer. And this doesn’t include the many forgettable moments that didn’t shine bright, but I will hold close. We moved into a new neighborhood this year and summer here is incredible. We can drive our golf cart to the pool. Swim for hours. Have kids in and out of the house at all hours – because they are on foot – and oh so independent. Enjoy dance parties at our neighborhood club and impromptu girl nights with the best summer cocktails.

Of course, not everything on my list was accomplished. I didn’t take tennis lessons. I didn’t get in killer shape (this one was a bit ambiguous, but I’m certain I didn’t achieve it). I didn’t push the kids to do enough math. We didn’t get their school service hours completed for the year. I didn’t make as much progress on an upcoming house remodel project as I intended to. I didn’t get to see Justin Bieber (I had tickets to take the big kids in San Diego, but he cancelled his tour).

But it was still awesome.

Ahhh summer 2017, I really loved you.

*If you’re interested in my Summer Top Ten books (all largely professional reads), here they are. I recommend them all except the last one – I found it to be dated – and boring (no offense to Harvard).

Dance Party!

I had a not-so-awesome day last week. The kind that is hard to shake. That puts you into a bit of a funk. Yesterday I was so DONE with my funk. I thought about my Happiness List. And then I realized I forgot to include the one, sure-fire way to lift my mood and make me laugh.

DANCE PARTY!!!!!

beyonce

I’ve always been a dancer. From early days of tap, ballet, and jazz dance lessons (sadly, the teacher moved away after a few years of lessons and my small town offered no other option. I was stuck at beginner level). In college, I had the most fun group of friends and we LOVED to dance. At the time, my nickname was “Downtown Lisa Brown” – my maiden name, plus a play on the old MTV VJ Julie Brown. I thought it was kinda cool. Now it’s a bit embarrassing.

But anyway. I love to dance. Always have. I don’t get a whole lot of opportunities these days (or decades), so the dance party often needs to be self-created.

This week-end we’re having a girls week-end at my house, with the boys out of town. So my girls have been my dance partners. Thankfully Taylor loves to dance and Lauren will occasionally tolerate my silliness. It’s possible there are morbidly embarrassing clips on Snapchat somewhere, but I’m going to assume they are all immediately deleted like all good Snapchats, shared amongst a few good girlfriends who already know I have a seriously silly side.

The best thing about self-created dance party is you get to DJ. My playlist is ever-changing. This week-end it has included:

  • All Summer Long, Kid Rock – This is simply a classic. It reminds me of home. Even though he references Northern Michigan, it’s a play on Sweet Home Alabama, which reminds me of the South, which reminds me of home.
  • Hit Me Baby One More Time, Britney Spears – Duh. It’s Britney. Every good dance party needs Britney.
  • This is How We Do, Katy Perry – Katy is also a classic. Hard to go wrong. Silly lyrics. I love the part about picking your car up at the valet…and it’s Tuesday!
  • How Will I Know, Whitney Houston – Lauren has a retro fascination with Whitney, so this was actually her choice. No complaints here. I had the cassette tape back in the day.
  • You’re the One That I Want, Grease – Perhaps the biggest classic of all time. Requires much over-the-top acting. Impossible not to love this one.
  • Be Humble, Kendrick Lamar – A more modern choice. This is actually Taylor’s current favorite song. She smiles huge and really grooves to it. I actually love this one too. You likely want to find the clean version on this one.
  • 7-11, Beyoncé – Another Lauren choice. There are specific dance moves to this one. You can find them on YouTube. Not for the faint of heart.

The best thing is the playlist should change frequently – whatever makes you happy. I strongly encourage singing along, poorly if needed.

And I guarantee – your mood will lift – happiness found.

Celebrating Differences

I love to imagine a world where differences are celebrated, not pitied. Where people of all abilities are seen as heroes, with much joy to offer the world.

Back to school is an exciting time for most kids. New kids, new teachers, and another year of possibilities. For kids with special needs, amidst the excitement, can come challenges. Well-meaning parents, teachers and kids may not know the best way to interact with them – particularly if they have limited verbal capabilities. If they have limited mobility, it can be hard for them to participate.

My daughter, Taylor, is one of these kids. She was born with a condition called agenesis of the corpus callosum, which means she doesn’t have a corpus callosum – the part of the brain that connects the right and left hemispheres. Her central brain highways do not have a bridge to connect them – and this makes essentially everything harder in life.

But she goes to an amazing school. With the most incredible, heroic teachers and administrators. And so many kids in our community that embrace her that she often seems to be a mini-celebrity in our neighborhood. She will start fourth grade this year.

But. There are always moments of awkwardness. And well-meaning parents and kids who don’t know how to interact with a child who is different. This is increasingly important – not just to be good people in the universe – but also because developmental disabilities are on the rise. Recent estimates in the United States show that about one in six children aged 3 through 17 years have one or more developmental disabilities. And the majority of disabilities are invisible to the eye, but so very real. So kids like Taylor are everywhere, with families and friends who love them very much.

This morning at a cross-country meet I had an experience that is very common. A young child looked at Taylor for a very long time. When this happens, I usually look them in the eye, smile, and say, “Hi! This is Taylor! She is a kid just like you.” Then the child typically says, “Hi” back and often has a few questions. Usually it is a great conversation. Occasionally the exchange goes poorly – and it did this morning.* The child said, “She looks silly” – I’ve heard variations of this many times, interchange “silly” for “weird”, “funny”, or “scary”. As a parent, it’s heartbreaking. And Taylor has very good receptive language, so I worry it hurts her feelings.

The child didn’t know better, of course. She was curious. But she is at a prime learning age. So my plea to parents is simple –  talk about differences with your kids – whether they be disabilities, race, size, religion or any of the many ways we can all be different. Teach your kids that ALL kids are special. And differences make us great. A specific plea – please don’t frame it as “aren’t you lucky” or “poor kid, how hard their life must be” – this framing reinforces a stereotype that people with differences are “less than”. And no one on earth – anywhere – deserves to be framed as “less than.”

I love to imagine a world where differences are celebrated, not pitied. Where people of all abilities are seen as heroes, with much joy to offer the world.

So many of our friends have done this so well – and you see it in their kids. They look Taylor in the eye. They go out of their way to engage with her. And they exude kindness.

I wrote this note, on behalf of Taylor, to share with classmates at her school. Regardless of age, I think there are meaningful lessons in here for all. Please feel free to share.

taylor

A Note for Taylor’s Classmates
Taylor’s brain was made different than yours. This means most things are much harder for her. But, she is a normal kid with normal likes and dislikes. And she works super, super hard. Here are a few tips for getting to know Taylor, or other kids like her.

Taylor has an older brother and sister. They love her very much. She also has two parents who love to make her laugh and a dog named Zoe. You may see her with her very special friend, Annalise, at school.

Speak to Taylor as you would any other kid. She loves people. Even an enthusiastic “Hi Taylor!” makes her day and helps her feel part of this world.

When you look at Taylor, a smile is really nice. Staring is not so nice. You may see her differences, but just like you wouldn’t want someone to stare at you for a long time without saying anything, neither does she.

Find similarities to connect with. Taylor loves music. Her current favorites are Katy Perry and Justin Bieber. She is so over Taylor Swift. She loves sports, particularly swimming and watching basketball and baseball. She also loves books, playing on iPads**, and watching music videos.

Taylor communicates differently – she loves to high five and is very expressive. It’s a great game to try to make her laugh. Or shout with joy. You can definitely tell when she is happy and also when she is so not impressed.

Taylor works harder than most kids. Often before school she has already done an hour or two of exercise. A lot of stuff is harder for her so she has to work really, really hard. We think this is really cool and impressive.

Have patience. I know this is hard. Taylor moves a bit slower because she is working so hard. Know that she SO wishes she could move at your pace. And she is trying her very best.

Never, ever call names. They are not nice. Names like stupid, idiot and retarded are super mean. Be a good friend to Taylor – and all kids. Name calling stinks and really hurts people’s feelings.

Don’t ignore her. Even if smart grown-ups tell you not to stare. No one wants to be ignored. Say hi. Ask what she likes to do. Give her a high five.

When you see her, I hope you see the most beautiful expressive blue eyes, the way her smile can light up a room, and how impressive it is that she is moving on her own (because, can you imagine how hard it would be to move without part of your brain?). I hope you don’t care about the shoe braces she wears to help her walk. They are just something she wears, not who she is. I hope your parents help you understand that.

Most importantly, know that every single person on this planet is a gift. Including you. Including Taylor.

*Friends at the meet, don’t worry, I didn’t know the child or her family:) It’s not you!

**Taylor’s school standardized on iPads and the consistency is key for her. Everyone else should totally buy a Surface!

The Perfect Trip to Spain

The gift of adventure.

Last night I put the finishing touches on an epic trip to Spain. I love choosing the most adorable boutique hotels in prime locations, typically located to the oldest, most historical part of town. I love to figure out how to make the most of each day in each location – the perfect mixture of sightseeing, great food and drink, and relaxation in a beautiful park, plaza or unexpected setting. I love booking reservations for incredible meals, like the best paella I’ve ever had on the Barcelonetta in Barcelona, overlooking the Mediterranean Sea, or authentic Spanish cuisine in downtown Madrid. I love learning about local architecture and choosing the perfect Gaudi destinations in Barcelona, or planning the perfect tour through Madrid – from the medieval to the historical – to the recently famous. I love purchasing advance tickets with the best views for popular sights like the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona, the Royal Alcazar in Seville, and Royal Palace in Madrid. Such a treat to bypass lines and see unexpected, unique parts of these incredible buildings. I love to plan the perfect daytrip to places like Toledo (pictured above), a completely beautiful hill town in Spain merging Arabic, Renaissance and Gothic architecture.

I am in love with this trip. But its not for me. My parents will enjoy this trip soon  – and I CANNOT wait to hear how much they loved it. I had the privilege of seeing these sights last year and fell in love with Spain – the culture, the people, and the history.

This year, my sisters and I helped them plan a Mediterranean cruise (14 days!) and then convinced them to add on a week in Spain. I’m so proud of them for taking this adventure.

We didn’t travel much as a family growing up. We sisters were very obsessed with sports and hated to miss practice (even in the summer and on holidays) and travel wasn’t super common in the town I grew up in. We took one big trip to Disney World in Orlando. Driving the whole way there in our humongous Oldsmobile. I remember clearly how exciting it was to see a new place. And its hilarious to remember fighting over the middle line of the back seat with my big sister while my tiny, little sister enjoyed the floorboard (pre-seatbelt days). My parents were saints.

Over the years I’ve developed a love for travel. A few years ago I went to London for a work trip and my mom met me for an extended vacation. We had the absolute best time and she caught the travel bug. She and my dad took a tour of Italy a few years ago and now, they take on multiple countries.

I am so proud of them for choosing adventure. Choosing to continue to create amazing memories. And making the most of each year. What a gift that they are both healthy and strong.

They have done so much for me over the years and have worked so hard to create a great life. They truly don’t need anything – so the best gift, I believe, is the gift of experience – helping them plan this trip. It’s a gift of adventure. Of learning. Of curiosity.

If you have the opportunity, I highly recommend giving this gift. For some of our parents, the planning part is the overwhelming part – not the finances, time or other factors. Making the time to help with planning is ultimately a gift for all.

I am as excited for their trip as if I were going with them – almost….

So I’m so excited to wish them bon voyage soon. And I can’t wait to hear about their paella.

Morning Run

The picture above may not look very interesting, but it represents my most favorite morning. Outside my girlfriend’s house, ready for an early morning run. Not a lot of traffic at 6 in the morning. And this morning in Seattle was one of the first gray, drizzly mornings we’ve had all summer.

It was cool, calm and peaceful. We start off with a leisurely walk, pick up to a jog, and end up clipping along at a reasonably good pace for nearly an hour. I love the feeling of accomplishment that morning exercise brings. It’s my best way to make sure that exercise actually happens during the day.

To be clear, I am not a morning person by nature. I’d rather do this same routine at 8am. Or 9am. But life prevents this – kids need to get to school, work beckons, and life doesn’t wait for exercise in that timeframe for me.

So, I set my alarm for 5:45. Wonder for a minute if I am actually going to get up. Drink half a cup of coffee, throw on clothes and my trusty Asics, and join my friend. I’m always so glad I did. She doesn’t care about my messy ponytail, the smeared mascara under my eyes, or often less-than-cute running ensemble hastily pulled on in the dark. Unconditional friendship shows up in many different ways.

This was our first morning run together for a long time. Summer vacation schedules kept us passing in the night. So what a treat to return to the routine. And I feel so accomplished already today!

But more than the exercise is the beauty of starting the day with a friend. You cover a lot of ground over an hour-long run – both athletically and verbally. We talk, and talk, and talk. There is something about the early morning fog that creates a safety net – nothing is off limits, everything is trusted in this small circle, and there is zero judgement. The overall feeling I leave with is one of uplifting gratitude.

It is so great to make time in our days for amazing friends. Who can lift us up. Who you can trust completely. Who make us laugh. Who you know will always have your back.

And if you happen to get a work-out in at the same time, home run!

My Best Self

This morning I dropped my son off at school – poor kid started a week before his sister’s schools this year. Nearing 13, he’s not the most personable in the morning. And admittedly I can be a bit annoying – trying to talk to him and stuff. As he got out of the car, I said the same mantra I’ve told him for a few years now, “Prepare for your brightest future! Be your best self!” 

It started as sincere encouragement. After a “few” eye-rolls, I now am overly energetic and its become a bit of a silly game. I say it during carpool, on the way to sports practice, encourage his friends, and ask him before bed, “Were you your best self today?”

Driving to work this morning, I thought about the phrase more deeply. I always intended for it to convey “This is your time to create your future. Make it great. Worthwhile. Invest in yourself. Get the most out of this day that you possibly can. Try hard. Work hard. Learn a lot. Be curious. Represent yourself well. Be a great friend. Be kind to everyone. Laugh. Enjoy.”

I’m not sure he knows this was the intent behind the phrase – I will double-check tonight.

It also got me thinking….am I my best self everyday? Do I show up with great energy? Do I bring my very best to what matters? Do I bring light and positivity to the world? Do I invest in myself – to create my own brightest future? I really should.

Letting Go

This story speaks to me perfectly – on the importance of not striving for perfection. And the power of letting go of unrealistic expectations and being hard on ourselves. And absolutely, never, ever judging each other. 
Today will be a “good enough” day – I have many of them. But I take faith that my “good enough” is pretty damn good.

Today I’ve dropped a few balls already. And it’s barely 8am.

I forgot to line up a babysitter for my youngest child tonight so we can go to a back-to-school BBQ. And my son has basketball try-outs in a suburb 20 minutes away and I offered to drive carpool. By my count those are three big conflicts that will need to get sorted today. Oops.

I forgot to send a few important work emails last night. Nothing super urgent, but work needed to move balls forward. Oops.

I didn’t sign up for an exercise class this morning – assuming I’d go for a run tonight – and now I have plans, which I forgot, which will get in the way of exercise. Assuming I figure out a solution for the trifecta of conflicts tonight. Oops.

None of these oops are world-ending. They will all work themselves out. But, oops like these can build in aggregate and accrue to a feeling of “Am I doing anything right???”

My message to myself – and to you – is, of course. You are doing SO much right. Life is busy and there are simply too many balls. Some are naturally going to drop. The best we can do is try not to drop the REALLY critical ones, pick up the important dropped ones quickly, and embrace that some of the balls should never have been juggled in the first place.

I was reminded of a story I told a group of women at work recently regarding Kristen Anderson-Lopez, one of the songwriters for the Academy Award winning movie, Frozen. I read about her story recently in Charles Duhigg’s book “Smarter, Faster, Better.”

There’s a lot to love about Frozen. The writers wanted to create a movie beyond the traditional fairy tale – not relying on a prince to save the day with a kiss as the definition of true love. Instead, they wanted the film to say something bigger. Girls don’t need to be saved by Prince Charming, they can save themselves.

As Kristen and her songwriter husband were struggling creatively with how to bring the story to life via song, Kristen asked, “What would it feel like if you were Elsa? What if you tried to be good your entire life and it didn’t matter because people constantly judged you?”

As described in the book, “Kristen knew this feeling. She had felt other parents’ looks when she let her daughter eat ice cream instead of healthy snacks. She’d felt glances when she and her husband let their girls watch an iPad inside a restaurant because they wanted a moment of peace. Perhaps she wasn’t cursed with a deadly power – but she knew what it felt like to be judged. It didn’t feel fair. It wasn’t her fault she wanted a career. It wasn’t her fault she wanted to be a good mom and a good wife and a successful songwriter, and so, inevitably, that meant things like home-packed snacks and sparkling dinner conversations – not to mention thank-you notes and exercise and replying to emails – sometimes fell by the wayside. She didn’t want to apologize for not being perfect. She didn’t think she needed to.”

Kristen said “Elsa has tried to do everything right, all her life. Now she’s being punished for being herself and the only way out is for her to stop caring, to let it all go.”

And then….the popular chorus was created:

Let it go, let it go.

That perfect girl is gone.

This story speaks to me perfectly – on the importance of not striving for perfection. And the power of letting go of unrealistic expectations and being hard on ourselves. And absolutely, never, ever judging each other.

Today will be a “good enough” day – I have many of them. But I take faith that my “good enough” is pretty damn good.

 

The Happiness List

You have the choice this very moment – the only moment you have for certain. I hope you aren’t so wrapped up in nonessential stuff that you forget to really enjoy yourself – because this moment is about to be over. I hope you’ll look back and remember today as the day you decided to make every one count, to relish each hour as if there would never be another.

This week-end I thought a lot about death. That sentence sounds super morbid, but I believe you can learn a lot about optimizing life by thinking about death. But the focus wasn’t intentional.

Friday, I learned of a former colleague in the battle for his life. He wrote an incredibly brave and moving article for Wired “The Day I Found out my Life was Hanging by a Thread”, regarding his recent diagnosis with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer – and life threatening blood clots. As the CEO of a start-up he loves and a father of two young daughters, this is a man that has so much to live for. I am in awe of his bravery. His summary is profoundly simple: “We are all so fragile. Each day is precious. And the most important parts of our lives are the relationships we invest in.”

Coincidentally, my book of choice for this week-end was Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy, by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant. I chose it as a professional read, but was deeply moved by the memoir narrative through-out the book – Sandberg’s journey through grief following the death of her husband. Deep stuff for sure.

But the most meaningful part of the book to me was the chapter titled “Taking Back Joy.” It shares a unique perspective on happiness – “happiness is the frequency of positive experiences, not the intensity.”

According to author Annie Dillard “How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.” Rather than waiting until we’re happy to enjoy the small things, we should do the small things – every day – that make us happy. I loved blogger Tim Urban’s description – “Happiness is the joy you find on hundreds of forgettable Wednesdays.”

So, how do we string together hundreds of forgettable Wednesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, etc to create a lifetime of happiness? Sandberg found great comfort – and ultimately joy – in a simple exercise. Writing down three moments of happiness every single day. It creates a focus on not only recognizing moments of happiness, but creating them.

Some of you may keep a gratitude journal. It has been all the rage – advocated by the great O (Oprah) herself. I tried this for awhile but fell off the bandwagon. This new lens made it clear to me why – gratitude feels passive to me – like, here are things in life that happened to me that I should be grateful for. A happiness list feels active – here are things I will seek out, invest in, create, and prioritize – toward a distinct goal of happiness.

So here’s what I did. I made a list – randomly, quickly off the top of my head, and in no particular order, of some of the things in life that make me happy.

My Happiness List
• Perfect cup of coffee
• A good run
• A cozy blanket
• Beautiful smelling candle
• A big hug from people I love
• Hearing my children laugh
• A great book
• Sun on my face
• Music – always
• Talking with girlfriends
• Learning something new
• Writing something I’m proud of
• Making people feel good
• A cute outfit
• An organized house
• A glass of wine to end my day
• Cuddles from my dog
• Taking beautiful pictures to represent memories
• Traveling to new places
• A perfect night of sleep
• Beaches and oceans

Then I tried to envision what my perfect day would be like. True to the exercise “if you only had one day left on earth, what would you do??” – I tried to really focus on what my ideal happy day would look like. It is GORGEOUS.

My Perfect Day
• Sleep in – wake up perfectly rested
• The perfect cup of coffee with a good book
• A great run, with awesome tunes, and a beautiful view
• An incredible huge breakfast – I’m going with huevos rancheros, lots of avocado and fresh fruit
• Then a massage – outdoors, with the ocean in the background
• Then hugs and cuddle time with people I love
• Beach time with endless chips, salsa, and guacamole – and Corona
• More hugs and conversation with people I love
• An incredible dinner with wonderful conversation – this one is tougher to nail down (need to work on this), but dessert is definitely something chocolate
• A nice glass of wine, a cozy blanket, and a great book to end the day

Here’s what I found. While I can’t always be on a beach – and life responsibilities make it impossible to have the perfect day EVERY day – true happiness can come in the form of little things, that CAN bring great joy – daily. The key is recognizing what they are – and prioritizing them.

Every day I can enjoy a great cup of coffee to start my day. I can make time to laugh and cuddle with the people I love. Prioritize exercise that makes me feel great and often jump-starts my creativity. Set aside “me time” for things I enjoy – whether taking the perfect quick photo or writing this blog. And, most days can always end with a great book, cozy blanket and amazing glass of wine.

I’ll end this blog with wise wisdom from the great O, “What I know for sure is that every day brings a chance for you to draw in a breath, kick off your shoes, and step out and dance – to live free of regret and filled with as much joy, fun, and laughter as you can stand….You have the choice this very moment – the only moment you have for certain. I hope you aren’t so wrapped up in nonessential stuff that you forget to really enjoy yourself – because this moment is about to be over. I hope you’ll look back and remember today as the day you decided to make every one count, to relish each hour as if there would never be another.”

Cheers to happiness….

My Wish for You

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Tomorrow is a huge day. My daughter’s high school orientation as she begins her freshman year. She is a wonderful kid, but wow, is this is a tough time to grow up. When the most popular peer role models are most known for their plastic surgery and scandalous selfies. When social media pervades absolutely everything and shines a light on the best – and worst – of all of us. When our leaders can be divisive, racist, sexist and more.

Yet there is so much good in the world. And so much life to experience in the next four years and beyond. I want you to experience all of it.

I remember my freshman year so clearly – shiny braces, a bad perm, and the body of a fifth grade boy. I was smart, but didn’t want anyone to know. I wanted to make new friends, but had no idea how to choose them. And I desperately wanted to know who I was – and who I would become. There is so much I wish I knew then.

So I wrote this list of wishes – for my daughter – and her wonderful friends who are embarking on the same journey. She approved my sharing it with the world, so here goes:

What I Wish for You
Be defined by your character and who you are, not what you look like or what you do. Beauty is fleeting and most talents fade. Your character is forever.

Do your very best – at what matters most. Willpower and energy is finite, so invest carefully.

Work super hard – this is your life now. Create the future you want.

Believe that you deserve the absolute best. In life. In friends. In boyfriends. In future professional success. Don’t settle for anything less.

Embrace your gifts as strengths, whatever they may be. Pursue excellence in something, or many things. But commit. Persevere. Work hard.

Your reputation and your integrity is yours. Guard it carefully.

Be courageous in big and small ways. Life is full of challenges, but you are capable and strong.

Don’t apologize for having an opinion. Speak up. Never let yourself be silenced.

Be a great friend. Support your girlfriends. Build each other up. There is no need to compete with each other.

Surround yourself by people who make you feel great about yourself.

In matters of romance, make your suitors earn your affection. With attention. With commitment. With respect for who you are. The second they don’t deserve your affection, move on.

Don’t engage with haters. Defend yourself if needed. But do not waste energy on those who are not worth it. Have zero space for Mean Girls. You know who they are and so do they.

If you wonder if someone has your best interests in mind, they probably do not. Trust your gut. Create space.

You can have many friends, but know the massive value in a few GREAT friends, who you can trust unconditionally.

Know that the most successful, the most popular, the most everything in high school – likely won’t be in life. As important as these four years seem, they are one small chapter in a much more interesting book.

Everyone is not doing anything. Make your own choices. Own them. The good and the bad.

Look up – experience the world. Your world is not your phone. Have real conversations. See the beauty in the world as it is happening. Don’t worry about documenting everything. Put your energy into being.

When you make a mistake, because you will – many times – know that you are loved. And that will never, ever change. Learn from mistakes and know they are a normal, expected part of growth.

It may seem like your life is harder than some. It is. And, your life is easier than many. Comparing yourself to others is never helpful. Try not to.

It is true that one thing is more important than pure intelligence or book smarts, or talent in a variety of fields. It is resilience. The ability to get back up – no matter what – and pursue your dreams. This is the key to success.

Live a life of intention. Every day is a gift. Be grateful. And work hard for your dreams. Find Joy.

Above all, pursue happiness, for happiness is the greatest gift.

Ode to Zoe

Yesterday was National Dog Day. I’m not sure who gets to declare a “day”, but I’m feeling a touch guilty that I didn’t properly celebrate my one and only, Zoe.

Zoe is an Australian Labradoodle. 2 years old. And the cutest dog in the world. It’s also quite possible she loves me more than anyone on earth. It’s also a holy miracle she ended up with our family at all.

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I grew up in Southern Missouri with an amazing family. We never really had a pet. My dad is a farmer and is frequently surrounded by cows. I think they were enough animals for him. My mom was not at all interested in pet hair, additional poop, or something else to clean up after. And I don’t recall my sisters or I ever really having a strong interest.

We did have one pet when I was around 6 or 7 – I remember distinctly because it was a fish named Abraham (after the fish on the TV show Diff’rent Strokes). In what is a family legend, Abraham met his demise when in a moment of anger, I threw a small vase at my older sister. It hit the wall and due to serious bad luck, the vase broke, sharp pieces fell into the fish bowl and promptly killed Abraham.

And that was our one and only pet. No wonder none of us wanted another one.

Once I had my own kids, I still had zero desire for a pet. As luck would have it, my oldest kids DESPERATELY wanted a dog. For years – literally – we tried to placate them. First with fish (which to be honest, are super boring). Then with a fish bowl for each of them. Then, a huge leap forward – a hamster. Which are the most disgusting little rodents ever. And their cage stinks. Coco had a terrible habit of not pooping in the wood shavings like a good little hamster. Instead, she pooped on her plastic slide – and everywhere else in her cage that was impossible to clean. Eventually, she ended up being returned to Petco as a rescue hamster – but in reverse. Even the kids were tired of her.

So then the campaigning for a dog picked up with gusto. We tried everything to dissuade them. They had to create a detailed PowerPoint presentation on why they wanted a dog and what it required to take care of one. They had to build a detailed spreadsheet to create a budget on how much it would cost. They created whiteboard presentations. Sob letters. Asked Santa for a dog – multiple times. And relentlessly campaigned for years. So finally, we caved.

Zoe was carefully chosen to be hypo-allergenic (I’ve always thought I was allergic to dogs, now I don’t think I am) and so I wouldn’t have to be constantly annoyed with pet hair. Called “Yellow Girl”, she was the cutest of her litter. We were able to bring her home shortly after Christmas.

The kids reaction was PRICELESS. A moment I honestly will never forget. And Zoe was a brilliant puppy. After three terrible sleeping children, I had said the biggest deal breaker for me would be if Zoe disrupted my sleep. And she seriously never has. She wasn’t a big chewer (at least nothing huge – like furniture) – absent the one time she ate a chunk of our wall when she wanted out of her play pen. Otherwise, she was a precious puppy.

Over the years, I have fallen deeply in love with her. Of course, the one who was most resistant is now her favorite. She loves me more deeply than anyone in the world. Every single time I come home – every single time – she jumps and wiggles and can’t wait for pets and cuddles. The pure exuberance makes me happy – every single time. She follows me around the house – everywhere I go. Just to make sure I’m OK. As I write this, she is sitting at my feet. Just staring at me.

She is a jealous dog. If I’m paying too much attention to the kids, she inserts herself between me and them and sticks her face super close to mine. I can see in her eyes she is saying “PET ME! LOVE ME! MAKE ME YOUR FAVORITE!”.  I love her.

Of course, as predicted, I am the one who takes her on the most walks. I am the one who picks up the most poop. I am the one who most frequently makes sure she has been fed (with cheese on top of her food!). My son will try to sneak her food. My daughter gives her cuddles. My husband disciplines her. But I am the one she loves the most.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.