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This is my current happy place.

For today anyway. In life, most of us have many happy places. Today, I am content that this is mine.

I sit on my deck as the sun shines, my doge Zoe nearby. I’m reminded that life is ever so good.

It’s funny how nothing makes you appreciate home like travel. July was a literal blur. A week in London for work. A half week in Dallas to see my family. Another half week in Vegas for a basketball tournament with my son. Pack, fly, laundry, repeat.

As a mom, being on the go at this pace is hard. My hat is off to anyone that keeps this schedule typically. It’s hard to stay on top of schedules, carpools, appointments, birthdays, laundry, groceries, and the day-to-day stuff that is required to keep our collective lives thriving.

I intended to write a few blogs on various plane rides, but was distracted by life and catching up on real work from being out so much. I’m trying to just ride the wave and not sweat the delta in posts. I hope you are enjoying summer too:)

So much fun in July, but so grateful to be home this week-end. I’ve spent a lot of time in my happy place over the past few days. Chatting with girlfriends over wine, hanging out with my daughters, reading a good book, and reflecting over coffee.

You see sometimes a happy place doesn’t require anything fancy. Although a beach makes quite a nice happy place for me too.

Sometimes a happy place is the place that brings you peace, contentment, and a sense that all is well in the world (for now anyway).

I think it’s so valuable to seek a few moments – or more – in your happy place everyday. Wherever that may be.

Yesterday I went for a beautiful hike. The Pacific Northwest has beautiful scenery and this hike was through a lush, green forest wonderland.

The grand destination was called Crystal Lake, a sure to be beautiful sight. After about three miles, the lake was upon us. Ta da!

And…it wasn’t that awesome. Much smaller than anticipated. And just not that cool. It didn’t help that the day was overcast. This was the best picture I could summon. Amidst the power lines:(

But it was a beautiful hike. And a nice respite from the reality of life.

In many ways, such is life, right? The destination doesn’t always turn out exactly as we would expect. We don’t get that perfect job. Our children face unforeseen challenges. The race doesn’t go as planned. The plane gets delayed. Luggage gets lost. The opportunities for disappointment are endless if we solely focus on the destination.

But its really the journey that matters most. This we have more control of. We can pause for a moment and enjoy the beauty of life. We can look for the silver linings and lessons amidst disappointment. We can laugh. We can love. And we can commit to making the most of the journey, regardless of the destination.

Today is my 20th wedding anniversary. I honestly cannot believe it. Twenty years is a lifetime and when I think back on that young girl who delightedly walked down the aisle at age 24, she could not have anticipated how wonderful – and challenging – life would become.

Because such is life, it turns out. The destination may meander and require climbing some mountains along the way, but the journey can be beautiful.

We just have to pause. Look around. Be grateful. And embrace the journey.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about purpose. It’s a recurring theme and in many ways, the underlying motivation behind this entire blog.

Do we know what we want out of life and are we pursuing it? If we don’t know, are we taking steps toward finding it? And wherever we are on our journey, are we making the most of each day?

It’s timely to revisit now for a few reasons. I recently returned from nearly two weeks in Greece where I relaxed on vacation. Epicly amazing. I intentionally did not bring any deep thinking books (although I did get sucked into Bad Blood, the story of biotech company Theranos). But anytime I’m at the beach with a clear mind, I assess my life and if I am leading it in a meaningful way. With purpose.

After vacation, in the past week we celebrated my niece’s high school graduation and my son’s graduation from 8^th grade. For the graduates, how incredible that you have a full life ahead to craft. For those of us supporters, it’s a moment to reflect. Is my life on track? Am I living the hopes and dreams I had as a graduate?

All deep thoughts. And the whole notion of purpose can be this intangible, and daunting dream.

Luckily, there’s a Harvard Business Review book summary on the topic! I love the HBR reviews. They’re like cliff notes from Harvard. Months ago I read the HBR summary on Purpose, Meaning + Passion. For this blog, I reviewed my highlighted notes (nerd I am, as always) from the various articles to create an even more concise cliff note version for you.

Why Purpose Matters

It may seem obvious, but ultimately, purpose to me is the ultimate driver of how and why you live your life. At the end of your days, is your life well spent? Knowing your purpose will help you answer this question affirmatively.

There is a famous quote that resonates with me,

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” Mark Twain

Purpose can come from many places – for some its family, for some its community, for some its work, for others its exploring the world and enjoying life.

Because most of us will have a traditional job in our lives and with the recent graduates in mind, I soaked up the HBR articles on purpose in the workplace. Why does this matter?

Because most of us will spend some 80,000 hours during our career at work. 80,000 hours!! And a 2017 Gallup poll found that only one-third of US employees feel engaged at work, which means only one in three workers bring a consistently high level of initiative, commitment, passion and productivity to their job. Particularly for millennials and the younger generations, surveys confirm meaning is the top thing they want from a job. Yet, less than 50% of people see their work as a calling. This leads to anxiety, frustration, and dissatisfaction – even for those with good jobs and careers. How to balance this hunger for working with purpose and meaning with the realities of life? And how do we enjoy where we’re at while striving for more?

If that’s not enough to make you ponder, people who demonstrate a sense of purpose in their lives have a 15% lower risk of death. So there’s that. If you know your purpose, you live longer!

Finding Your Purpose

The Harvard authors shared some good advice on these topics. Here are my favorite ideas – some of them seem somewhat obvious, but worth repeating – others are reassuring, because they reinforce that pursuing purpose can be a lifelong journey, can and should evolve, and all of us can have multiple purposes at once.

1. Know Your “Why”. Simon Sinek wrote a famous book called “Start with Why”. He explains that anyone that builds and sustains movements, finds meaning – or purpose – can only be successful if you lead with your personal “why”. From Martin Luther King Jr. to Apple, people follow you, buy from you, and believe in you, when you believe in yourself. Knowing what matters to you is the first step. It’s important to assess what you want out of your work at this point in your life. How can you make your work, work for you? You need to know your personal hierarchy of needs (Is it a promotion? Work life balance? A certain type of work?). Respect that it may evolve. But always know it. Determine what you care about now, what drives you, what you’re passionate about, what truly motivates you – and build from there.
2. Purpose is a thing you build, not a thing you find. Often it takes working for years, trying new things, living life and taking some risks to identify your purpose. What you love. What makes you tick. It’s a mistake to think you should just know what your purpose is – it often takes life experience and self-reflection to find it.
3. Purpose can be created. In achieving professional purpose, most of us have to focus as much on making our work meaningful as taking meaning from it. The reality is most of us are not curing cancer every day. But there is value in finding meaning and purpose in what we do. And most of us have the opportunity to craft our jobs into something we love. Even if you can’t get excited about your company’s mission, you can still adopt a service mindset by thinking about how your work helps those you love. I love the famous story about JFK visiting NASA in the height of space exploration. JFK asked a janitor what he did for NASA. His answer? “I’m helping put a man on the moon.” Amazing. The janitor connected his daily contributions with the organization’s greater mission. Research shows most jobs lend themselves to helping others in some way, enabling achievement, and bringing meaning to our lives. I was reminded of this at Costco (which I typically hate) last Saturday morning (which is the worst time to go. It’s like Frogger with humans and oversized shopping carts). As I was checking out, distracted by the crowds and wanting nothing more than to get the heck out of there, the man bagging groceries gave me a big smile and said, “What do you call a married hippie?…. Miss-issippi!!” Now, I love a dumb joke and I totally cracked up. That man’s purpose may be to make people laugh. Purpose succeeded. People who see their work as a form of giving consistently rank their jobs as more meaningful. This means you can find meaning in nearly any role. The key is to become conscious about the service you’re providing. The days I spend time mentoring others, bringing smiles to a room, and pushing people to deliver unexpectedly great work are purposeful days for me.
4. Purpose is likely not a single thing. Most of us will have multiple sources of purpose in our lives. Isn’t that great? You don’t have to choose just one! It’s not purpose, but purposes, we are looking for: multiple sources of meaning that help us find value in our work and lives. Often our work isn’t central to our purpose but a conduit to helping others, including our families and communities. Acknowledging there are multiple sources of purpose takes the pressure off finding the one single thing to give our lives meaning.
5. Purpose will evolve. Most of us will experience personal phases in which our sources of meaning change. Just as we find meaning in multiple places, the sources of that meaning can and do change over time. For me, over the last decades, certainly family has become a source of purpose. Finding meaning in my various jobs has also been a source of purpose. Most recently, I see the opportunity for this blog and the ideas I have to grow it as a source of purpose. I love the idea that embracing multiple purposes over the course of your life is expected, will drive ongoing personal growth, and ultimately deliver meaning.
6. Calling your Purpose. Rather than waiting for your purpose to appear in front of you, declaring your purpose (or your best guess for now) will help you focus on it. A declaration of purpose is a simple statement about how you will decide to live each and every day. The HBR folks suggest that your purpose is succinct, specific and expressive. It is yours and yours alone. It should highlight your strengths, interests and core ambitions. Life is short. You deserve to work in a role where your personal purpose shines. But you cannot leave it up to your organization, your boss or your team to define it, know it, or encourage it if you are not clear. You must define and enact your own purpose. This was a fun little exercise. For me, my professional purpose focused on: “I strive to accomplish big impact through creative, inspiring, and curious work; where I can enjoy camaraderie with others.” It’s not perfect. But it’s a good guiding light for now. I’m also led by a favorite quote I heard on a podcast about the Joy of Doing:  “Every person you touch is your legacy.” Through that lens, I can have a meaningful impact every single day.
7. Ignite your passion outside of work. Not only will you spend time doing something you love, inspirational endeavors often have a spill-over effect – giving you energy and inspiration to craft your job or reengage with parts of it you like. This blog largely started out of this desire. I was writing less for work and missed the creative outlet. Then I realized I didn’t have to write just for professional gain. I could write for myself. It has brought me joy, inspired creativity that I bring into the workplace and ignited a love of learning that has helped me grow as a leader.

As you think about your purpose at work, here are a few handy questions the HBR crew suggests you ask yourself:

• What are you good at doing?
• What do you enjoy?
• What feels most useful?
• What creates a sense of forward momentum?
• How do you relate to others?

The experts agree you should not ask yourself how to find your purpose. Instead, look to endow everything you do with purpose, allow for multiple sources of meaning that will naturally develop in your life, and to be comfortable with those sources changing over time.

Leading with Purpose

Because it’s Harvard, they also provided some handy guidance for leaders. I’ve been a manager and leader for many years and I still love learning about how to be a better leader. As we see every day, some of our world’s most powerful leaders would benefit from more training😊

Articulating your purpose and finding the courage to live it, is the single most developmental task you can undertake as a leader. Your leadership purpose is who you are and what makes you distinctive. Your purpose is your brand, what you’re driven to achieve, the magic that makes you tick. It’s not what you do, it’s how you do your job and why – the strengths you bring to the table no matter where you are seated. It’s what everyone close to you recognizes as uniquely you and would miss most if you were gone. Now that is a fun exercise too. How do I want to be remembered? It’s similar to the What is Your Story? exercise I wrote about recently.

As a leader, here are some handy tips on how to lead with purpose.

1. Empower teams to have meaningful work. The experts say there are four key ways that most people find meaning at work: learning, prestige, social rewards, and autonomy. Leaders who help create meaningful work for their teams will find their teams report better health, more well-being, and a clearer sense of teamwork and engagement. They are more likely to thrive and grow. A few more details on each:
   • Self-realization comes through learning. Personal growth is meaningful. Work is also a place to accomplish things and be recognized, which leads to greater satisfaction, confidence, and self-worth.
   • Prestige is another reason many work. A high-status organization confers respect, recognition, and a sense of worth. This can be meaningful for some. Power is another reason many work and why many stay at companies as they grow their career. For those drawn to power, work provides an arena for acquiring and exercising power.
   • Social rewards. For many of us belonging to a community is meaningful. People crave a place where they can forge friendships, and experience a sense of community. Employees also experience meaning at work when what they do actually matters for the organization, when their ideas are listened to and when they see that their contributions have an impact on how the place performs. A sense of real involvement gives people meaning.
   • For others, autonomy is king. The freedom to do your work on your own time gives many people meaning, particularly entrepreneurs.
2. Embrace leadership traits that lead to meaningful work. Leaders who create meaningful work tend to be curious and inquisitive, challenging and relentless (death to inertia!), they hire for values and cultural fit, they are able to trust people, and don’t micro-manage.
3. Celebrate the Small Wins. Also known as the “progress principle”, HBR finds that “of all the things that can boost emotions, motivation, and perceptions during a workday, the single most important is making progress in meaningful work. The more frequently people experience that sense of progress, the more likely they are to be creatively productive in the long run. Everyday progress – even small wins – can make all the difference in how people feel and perform.” Setting clear goals, allowing autonomy, providing sufficient resources and time, helping with the work, openly learning from problems and successes, and allowing a free exchange of ideas are catalysts to delivering small wins. Interpersonal support, respect and recognition, encouragement, emotional comfort, and opportunities for affiliation are nourishing activities that help celebrate them.
4. Remember the trenches. Harkening back to the janitor at NASA, it’s important for leaders to imbue this sense of purpose with all employees. Even the best strategies will fail if managers ignore the people working in the trenches to execute it.
5. Know your leadership purpose. In the same way you have personal purpose/s, so do leaders have leadership purpose. Whether you recognize it or not. Your leadership purpose is evident everyday in how you show up. It springs from your identity; the essence of who you are. So make sure your leadership purpose reflects the best of who you are.

I could write endlessly about this topic. A related blog focused on living a meaningful life. I am inspired that this quest for purpose can, and should be, a lifelong endeavor.

I had the most awesome conversation with my niece the other night. She lives in Missouri and while I only get to see her a few times a year, she makes my heart melt.

She had an incredible week. Celebrated her eighth birthday with several parties, donuts, and lots of fun. Learned of an upcoming trip to Disney World with many fun excursions planned. And nailed some tough medical tests with the toughness of a champion.

But you know what she chose to tell me first? That she received Student of the Month at her school.

Amazing.

It so resonated with me. Of all the incredible things in her life, Student of the Month rose to the top of the heap. You see, she is an articulate firecracker full of positive energy and confidence. As she explained, “It’s really hard to get Student of the Month.” And I thought, “yes, it is…particularly if you are a firecracker.” I so hope she stays true to the core of who she is in all her sparkling, shining glory. Because she is amazing.

I totally get the Student of the Month fascination. When I was her age I really wanted to be Student of the Month. Year after year it passed me by. I would count the months and think statistically speaking out of a class of roughly 25 students, “Seriously?? Surely one of these years I would hit the bar…”

Finally at the end of sixth grade, in a moment of utter frustration I asked my teacher, “WHY CAN’T I BE STUDENT OF THE MONTH?!?”

And I still remember what she said.

“You talk too much and have too much to say. If you would just sit there quietly you might have a chance.”

I remember feeling really indignant. Surely you could be Student of the Month and contribute to the class and have an opinion? Didn’t those of us with a point of view also deserve to be Student of the Month?

Actually, no. I never did get Student of the Month (except in kindergarten, but that seemed a bit like cheating as my mom was a kindergarten teacher – although not my teacher – I had a serious head start on life).

While I had several excellent teachers in elementary school, I didn’t realize the power of being a good speaker and articulating a point of view until high school when I joined the speech and debate team. Finally! A place where speaking with an opinion and debating facts was appreciated! (thank you Mrs. Garrett). These skills ended up being the most helpful in my career.

At the time, and really until the last year, I didn’t realize how these experiences helped shape me.

Here’s a few facts:

• Women earn 60% of the master’s degrees in the United States
• Girls graduate high school with an average GPA that is higher than boys
• By 2021, women will represent almost 60% of all higher ed students

Yet, women hold very few leadership positions in Fortune 500 companies. In my own company, Microsoft, which I love, only 19% of leaders are female. This is an increase of 9% from when I started – but that was 21 years ago. What year is this??

I could write many other blogs on why I believe this is. And I may. But I’ll stay on the Student of the Month thematic and harken back to my sixth grade teacher and her advice to me that I should be quiet.

In Tara Mohr’s incredible book “Playing Big”, she describes the phenomenon (which is super common) like this:

“What if girls are doing so well in school because school requires many of the same abilities and behaviors as being a “good girl”: respect for and obedience to authority, careful rule-following, people-pleasing, and succeeding in an externally imposed framework? What if women are earning more advanced degrees in part because it’s harder for them to ever feel as if they’ve gotten enough training to start leading? And what if because of the nature of school – the skills we develop there but also the abilities we lose – all that academic training translates into their success at mid-levels in organizations, but it will not translate to their increased numbers as senior leaders, change makers and innovators?

Mind blown. Katty Kay and Claire Shipman propose a similar dynamic in “The Confidence Code.” Because of the way many girls are raised and rewarded in school, we bring what turn out to be bad habits into the workplace. Overpreparing, overthinking, people pleasing, underselling, self-deprecating, an aversion to risk, and a desire to be likable – many of the same traits that made many of us successful in school have without a doubt, held us back in our careers.

They go so far as to advise, “If you want your daughter to have the confidence later in life to buck the system and advocate for herself, you need to encourage her to be a little bit bad.”

I hope there is a new trend underway. Where girls can be Student of the Month when they have a lot to say. When they bring energy to a classroom. When they compete for excellence. When they do not shy away from achievement but strive for it. When they are encouraged to take risks, fail, and not have to be friends with everyone. And when they are pushed to go for it – whatever it is.

So rock on, Miss Becca. I love that you are the Student of the Month. I love even more that you earned it by being you.

I recently started reading Melinda Gates’ new book “The Moment of Lift.” It shares the stories of women she has met around the world with the goal of lifting up women and girls.

I love the premise of the book and it comes at a timely moment for me as I consider new job opportunities, my role as a female in this world, and the world I want for my daughters.

Those are all very deep topics that I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about lately.

But this morning, I was listening to a podcast with Melinda on my way to work. I am really loving podcasts during my commute. It could be because my home is filled with hip hop and rap at all hours courtesy of my teenagers, so music holds less appeal during my drive than it used to. I’ll still rock out on occasion, but lately, I’ve enjoyed the relative silence and opportunity to learn something new from a podcast.

So I was listening to Melinda talk about moments of lift and she was asked what word she chose as her mantra for 2019. Apparently she chooses a word each year to help guide her focus and intentions. I DO THIS TOO MELINDA!! Some years more specifically than others. Gratitude. Focus. Gift. More. These are just a few of the words I’ve chosen in year’s past.

But Melinda. She has a great word for 2019. Shine.

Why do I love this so much? I love the brilliance of embracing that each of us can, and should, shine. As she described, her definition of shine was not just for herself, but to create a platform of conversation that was inspiring and uplifting for all women. Secretly though, I feel like she must be being humble. After years of being in Bill’s shadow, she is probably really ready to shine in her own right. Shine on, Melinda. Shine on.

For me, the word also brought to mind one of my favorite songs from my very young childhood.

“This little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine.”

Originally I learned this song at church. It probably still has roots in southern churches, but I love the reminder that I should let whatever light I have shine. Too often, it is easy – and frankly routine – to step back, always put others first, speak politely and carefully, showcase humility at work least we be deemed not “likable” enough. All of these behaviors hide our light, our talents, our contributions, and essentially…..the very nature of who we are.

What if, instead, we let the encouragement to shine drive us? If I wanted to shine most brightly at work, what would I do? If I wanted to stretch for my dream goals and shine, what would that look like? If I wanted to bring that light to my family and friends each and every day, how would I shine? If I wanted to make sure my life shone as brightly as possible, what would I do each day?

Shine is a reminder of my childhood nickname, Sunshine. It takes me back to the days of ponytails, big smiles and being an eternal optimist.

To paraphrase an old quote, if we rise every day, we may as well shine.

So, shine it is my friends. 2019 (in May) is now about the year of Shine.

Recently I was reminded that the world is full of beauty.

Over the last few weeks I enjoyed a fantastic spring break in California.

I spent several days enjoying this view in Palm Desert from our vacation rental’s pool.

Surrounded by family, good tunes, and great books. These are blissful days.

Each morning started with gorgeous views and palm trees for my morning run.

As usual, I reflected that I would be in amazing shape if each morning were so pretty. If you live in such a place year round, I’m sure you have days where you aren’t motivated. Maybe? As a visitor, it feels like you could never, ever get tired of it.

After five days of poolside slothing, we drove a few hours to Del Mar beach, outside San Diego.

I went for many walks on the beach, often with my daughter, who loves the action.

It is so pretty. I love to watch the waves crash against the cliffs. And there is something about the ocean – more than anything on earth – that just brings me a sense of peace.

Once back home, Seattle put on one of its great shows as it does in the springtime (some days).

An abundance of sunshine. Beautiful views. It sets my mind at ease, my heart happy, and I’m surrounded by a blanket of calm.

And then…a few days ago, I saw this:

It is quite possibly the world’s most beautiful flower. Growing in my front garden. Truthfully, our landscaper planted it when our newish yard was planted. I literally have nothing to do with its existence. But it caught my eye in its perfection.

And I was reminded that beauty can be found everywhere. Every day. We just have to open our eyes, pause, look around, and take a moment to appreciate it. When we do, that same sense of peaceful happiness can surround us. Wherever we are.

A beloved friend was sharing a story with me recently. She was having a conversation with her son and talking about being mindful of how we show up every day. She suggested that each day he consider the impact he was making on the world. If someone in his class was asked about him, what story would they tell? As his mother, what story would he tell about her?

It’s a powerful concept.

What is your story?

How much richer would each of our lives be if we had this north star every day and used it to focus our attention, guide our actions and how we treat others?

• 

I wrote down her wise words on my note pad at work (isn’t it cute??) and have been staring at it for a few days.

It’s a bit of a daunting exercise. And feels a bit like you’re writing your own eulogy, which is kind of icky.

But it is powerful.

I want my story to be as follows:

• She loves her family wholeheartedly.
• She is full of positive energy and lights up a room.
• She has a kind heart and is a good friend, generous to others.
• She seeks to inspire and encourages others to live their best life.
• She values health and making the most of our health.
• She likes to set big, audacious goals and achieve them.
• She loves adventure, seeing new places, and unexpected experiences.
• She is a creative soul and loves to write and make beautiful things.
• She is curious and commits to lifelong learning and growth.

I’m sure there is more to my story. But in stream of conscious fashion (literally two minutes or less), without a lot of thought, this is my story.

It’s interesting to me that my story doesn’t mention my workplace, it doesn’t mention desired professional success, it doesn’t mention wealth or status. Instead, it focuses on the parts of my life that must really, really matter to me.

So how do I make my story real? How do I deliver on it every day? How do I have tangible examples of each item that will add up over the course of my life to make my desired story my reality?

I like this as a challenge. Because each of us writes our own book, building our narrative, and charting our course every single day. Knowing your story and doing everything you can to make it real is perhaps the most important work we will do.

On to chapter two of my journey to qualify for the Boston Marathon. Since watching the 2019 Boston Marathon yesterday, I continue to be inspired by the stories of the runners, particularly the everyday heroes who are driven by any number of inspiring reasons.

And, I can’t wait to run in the next one!

But after my disappointing marathon (yet still amazing experience) in NYC, how did it happen?

I really thought I would be a one-and-done marathoner. I wanted the bucket list completion, but I didn’t expect to enjoy the training as much as I did, or the complete satisfaction I would feel from accomplishing a big goal. And I didn’t expect to really want to qualify for Boston.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I returned from NYC tired and content. And sore. After three or four days the worst of the soreness had passed and I was no longer side stepping down stairs (oh my quads!!). I figured I would enjoy a few week break with no guilt for not exercising.

I had shared my NYC story with friends on Facebook and Instagram and was really touched by many well wishes. One of my friends reached out a few days later and suggested I run the CIM marathon in California in a few weeks. It’s a fast course and I could still benefit from this training cycle.

At first I didn’t even consider it. And then I did.

Maybe it wasn’t so crazy. I was super curious how fast I could run with the right fuel. So, I visited the website and…..sold out. Hmmm. Perhaps a sign.

I put out a few feelers in the Bay Area to friends that might have had a connection for a bib number and….nothing. Oh well. Definitely not meant to be.

Another week goes by and I saw an ad for the Seattle Marathon. The race was Thanksgiving Day week-end, three weeks after NYC. A really quick turn-around. But local. So I could give it a shot and if I bombed out, no harm, no foul. It’s a smaller marathon, so the logistics would be super easy (no bus! no five hour wait to start!). Interesting.

And then I got busy and kind of forgot about it.

And then my husband emailed me that it was the very last day to sign-up. Was I going to give it a shot?

Was I?

Sure! Why not??

So, I signed up and thought, worst case, I blew ~$100 on the entry fee. I still hadn’t run a step since NYC.

I figured I would at least run a few times and see how I felt. So I did. I literally ran three miles, twice, in between the two marathons. Otherwise, I rested my legs and rolled the dice.

I enjoyed Thanksgiving with my family and didn’t think much about the marathon except eating pasta the night before.

I took an Uber downtown (about 10 minutes from my house) and got to the starting line with about 30 minutes to spare. It was awesome, compared to the complexity of NYC. It was a little chilly and dark before the 7am start and it was surreal, yet again. I couldn’t believe I was actually going to try to run another marathon.

My only plan was to start off on Boston Qualifier pace. And to fuel much more intelligently! Much more water. More gels.

If I fell too far off pace, I wasn’t going to sweat it and drop out. No need to wreck my body. I really didn’t know if I would run 6 or 26 miles.

So we started. And I was running along, feeling OK. Not awesome. But OK. I found the 3:40 pacer group and decided I’m sticking with you, kids. No pushing the pace, even if I feel great. Which I did not. But I tucked into my little group and tried to zone out.

I didn’t actually know how the course went so was pleasantly surprised that the new course largely ran on the Burke Gilman trail (a long trail that runs through our area, which is quite flat). I did a ton of my training runs on this trail and by mile 10, we were nearing my training part of the trail.

Around mile 12 I realized we would be looping on the trail literally about a half mile from my house. This turned out to be a real distraction because shortly after, I started getting tired. My legs felt heavy from NYC. My breathing was fine. Plenty of energy. But my legs seemed to be gaining weight by the mile. As we hit mile 14, I realized I was either going to run up the hill to my house and a big plate of eggs, or I was going to slow down and hope I would recharge a bit.

I slowed down a bit and watched the 3:40 group drift away. Sigh. But, I thought perhaps they are ahead of pace and if I could just keep going, maybe I’ll make up time.

Really, I wanted to quit. Thought about it quite a bit. Seriously, what did I need to prove? This was a bit of a crazy idea. Most people (particularly novice marthoners) do not run their first two marathons three weeks apart.

What kept me going? I knew my husband would be at mile 18 (again!). This time with my youngest daughter and my son. My son had never seen me run before (in a race anyway) and I hated the idea of him getting out of bed, standing on a course, and realizing mom had quit.

So I kept running. Really thinking I might just stop at 18. But then I saw my mini cheering squad. I gave high five’s, ditched a jacket, and kept moving.

Alright. I guess we’re doing this. I’m committed. Let’s finish this.

So I gutted it out. I didn’t get dehydrated or have any major problems, but my legs were d-e-a-d the last six miles. The last three miles or so my calves felt like they were on fire. But really, it was fun!

No, I’m kidding. Those last six miles were not fun. But I was looking forward to seeing my family at the finish line. I wanted to run the best time I could and represent myself well, even though I was not on path for my qualifying time.

I was surprised to see the 3:45 pacer group run by me at mile 23. Maybe I was closer than I thought?

As I ran toward the finish line, I saw I was going to break 3:50. Hurray! Much better. I crossed the line in 3.48. Not a qualifier, but close. And a good effort, particularly on the heels of NYC.

My family was excited for me and treated me to a breakfast burrito, a hot shower and a nap.

Later that day, as I reported into the social media universe, again people were kind. I hadn’t told hardly anyone that I was running in Seattle so it was fun to see their surprise.

And then.

A good friend from high school (who is a marathon whiz now) asked when I would be 45 (which would bump me into the next age group). Turns out, I could qualify in the next age group, which gave me an extra five minutes, which meant I QUALIFIED FOR BOSTON!!!!!!

I was seriously so excited. I love reaching a goal. It would have been cool to have known that in the moment, but I was so grateful to find out. And have such a sweet surprise that night.

These two blogs have been more for my memories than anything else. If you’ve made it this far in the story, we’ll have to wait awhile for chapter three.

But, I will take forward the knowledge that committing to a big goal and achieving it is a really good way to keep living life. Whatever that goal may be.

Today is the Boston Marathon and I am not running it.

But guess what?? Next year I will be!!

One of my most tangible examples of calling a shot and making it happen was my 2018 resolution to run a marathon. Mission accomplished.

Actually twice. Let me tell you a story.

I trained for the New York City marathon with the primary goal of completion. As a lifelong runner, this seemed like a super reasonable goal. I had a leg up (hee hee…get it?🙂 on most. I won four state championships in high school and had a full scholarship to a top running university. I used to run 70 miles a week in high school, so high mileage was not a foreign concept. But.

All of that running at a young age came at a heavy cost. By the time I made it to college my bone density rivaled that of a 70 year old woman. I had stress fracture after stress fracture after stress fracture in the tibia bones in my legs. Because my bones were fragile, they would take forever to heal. And then I would almost get back in shape and sigh. Injured again. It was a very depressing cycle and eventually I retired from collegiate racing after my junior year.

I returned to collegiate racing during my technical 5th year of eligibility while I was pursuing a master’s degree at the University of Missouri. Initially I had reached out about a coaching position, but agreed to run if we could stay within my “injury free zone” – about 30 miles a week. Way less than half of what I did at my prime. But, I gave it a shot and finished one full season of cross country at the National Championships. And then I got hurt again. So that was it. Really.

I had a life to live! A career to start. A boyfriend to chase across the country and live on the west coast. The boyfriend became a husband. The first job is now my 21st year at Microsoft. Three kids joined the fray.

All along, I ran. Mostly to stay in shape and because I have always loved the feeling of a good run. But super recreationally. Three miles here, four miles there.

After my third child (11 years ago) and supporting my husband as he ran a number of marathons, I wanted to sign up for a challenge. The Vancouver Half Marathon seemed like a good one. I enjoyed the training and was proud of completing it about seven months post-partum.

Over the years, I did other half marathons but largely just ran when I felt like it. I was never interested in running a marathon because I didn’t want to risk getting hurt again (and being sidelined for months) and I didn’t think I had the time between working and mom-ing.

Then, I started running with a girlfriend a few mornings a week and fell back in love with friendship through running. Eventually, we decided to train for the NYC Marathon. We did all of the training. All of the long runs were done together and it was a fun experience. Truly.

We were on the flight to NYC when the marathon was cancelled due to Hurricane Sandy. This was in 2012. It was a big, huge bummer. All of that training and no marathon completion. We did enjoy a fun week-end together in NYC and time moved on.

Because my IT band had gotten irritated my last few weeks of training, I never did complete a marathon from that training cycle.

And then 6 years went by. How does that happen???

Life. That’s how it happens. We get busy. Time flies. And somehow six years can go by. I turned 40. And then 41. And on to my 42rd birthday. I saw other friends doing incredible things and so a big resolution for me to start 2018 was to run a marathon. For real. Even if I got hurt. Even if I walked to the finish line. I needed this bucket list item.

So, I committed. NYC Marathon 2018. I called the shot. And then I made it happen. I did physical therapy to strengthen my IT band and surrounding muscles on my bum leg. I mapped out a light mileage (building to 25 miles/week) plan – for marathon training anyway – and made getting my runs in my One Thing for key days. Long run build, check. Ready to go, check.

I was so excited to get to NYC. My husband came along as my support team and I was super proud to pick up my number on race week-end. We went for a short run in Central Park and I was so motivated. This was happening! One way or another, I was going to be a marathoner. Look how excited I am in this photo when I picked up my number!

On race day, I was nervous but excited. I was trying really hard to set any expectations aside. But secretly, I really wanted to quality for Boston.

Based on my training runs, it should have been do-able. Ha! Marathon novice that I was.

Whew. This is already way longer than I meant to be. But bear with me.

The biggest thing I was under-prepared for were the logistics of NYC. This was silly – as my husband had run it before.

Here’s how it works on marathon day. I woke up at 4am to make sure I made my 5am bus to the start. That’s right. 5am. Unfortunately I didn’t go to sleep until 1am (I have a tough time adjusting to east coast time zone from the west coast and I was excited!). So three hours of sleep later, I’m up.

I pulled on my multiple layers of clothing (this was good advice!) because it is cold at 5am in New York in November. I had massive sweats I had bought on sale at Macy’s that worked perfectly. My husband (good man that he is) walked me to the bus where my clear trash bag (for security reasons) and I boarded the bus. The bus ride was about 40 minutes to Staten Island, where the race begins.

Alrighty! Let’s do this!

But my start time wasn’t until 10:30am. About four hours away at this point. Once you arrive at the starting area, you join a specific village, where people roam around like its a homeless shelter. It really is surreal.

Alrighty! Let’s have some coffee.

I drank two small cups of free Dunkin Donuts coffee. Read an entire magazine (which I had brought in my trash bag, which I was now sitting on to stay dry from the damp grass).

About 8am, I had my peanut butter toast that I had brought (the fuel I had before my training runs) and some water. I read another magazine. Then I made friends with a nice lady from Texas.

Finally! It was the start! I could not wait to get going!!!

As you line up, you can hear Frank Sinatra’s New York, New York blaring. My wave joined around 50,000 other runners for the largest marathon in the world.

I had so much fun! The first mile or so you run over the Verrazano bridge. It is a double decker bridge shaking from all of the runners. On race day, the sky was blue, the water was sparkling, and I tried to soak up the reality that this was happening!!!

I got in a groove and felt great. I smiled through Brooklyn as thousands of people cheered loudly. I high-fived. I waved at small children. I even did the YMCA on some random street as music blared. Woohoo! This is fun!

Then we made our way over the Williamsburg bridge and into Queens! I’m feeling great! Gospel choirs were singing. I was well on path for my Boston qualifier. I think I’m kind of nailing my first marathon.

Around mile 16, here comes the Queensboro bridge and down into Manhattan. Everyone said this was where you would get an energy burst from the crowds. But, huh. No energy burst here.

In fact, uh oh. I’m starting to feel really weak and tired. It’s ok! It will pass. One foot in front of the other. Oh Queens. I don’t love you anymore. I think I may be seriously dehydrated. I felt like this once before in college and nearly passed out at the end of a race. I really don’t want to pass out on the streets of New York. Not good. Really not good.

I knew I would see my husband at mile 18 so I focused hard on making it to mile 18. I knew he would encourage me. And possibly help me find a cab back to the hotel. I honestly didn’t know if I would keep going. This was not turning out to be the day I wanted or had trained for.

By the time I saw my husband, I was convinced I was not going to make it. I literally thought I might faint. I saw him and I could see him register the look on my face. Did he give me a huge hug? Did we ask me if I was OK? Nope! He gave me a 32 oz bottle of water, a little shove on the back and said, “Keep moving! You can do it!” As it turns out, this was a huge gift.

I think I was so surprised at the lack of sympathy and so grateful for the water that I just started walking. Drinking and walking. Drinking and walking. The crowds were still cheering. People were flying by me. It was like I was in slow motion.

Hmmm…..there goes the 3:40 pacer sign. Definitely not breaking 3:40 now. Several minutes go by. Still drinking and walking. Annnnd there goes the 3:45 sign. Annnnd then the 3:50 sign.

Now what? I still feel terrible. I have literally walked more than one mile. Drank an entire 32 oz of water. I think I should quit. This is so embarrassing. Definitely not “running” the marathon like I thought.

But….ugh…..I don’t want to be a quitter. And I really want this bucket list completion. Who knows if I will ever train for another marathon? And, at this point, I’m almost 20 miles in. There’s no medal for running 20 miles. Surely I can gut out six more?

So, after walking nearly two miles and having literally no clue if and when I would ever finish. I started jogging. Like, barely jogging. Around mile 21, I started feeling better. During this window, I ran through the Bronx, but I remember nothing. Truly.

And then….Central Park! Holy hallelujah. I am finishing this. Without a doubt. This will happen. One foot in front of the other.

Finally, the finish line came into sight. There was definitely no sprinting to the finish and no joyous celebration. But I felt deep, deep relief.

The time was a disappointment (4:06..which in hindsight wasn’t terrible, but far off my goal). Here is pictorial of what falling way off the wagon looks like. I’d draw your eyes to the average time/mile column.

More importantly than the time, the experience (while I loved parts of it), was so not what I had in mind (after mile 16 anyway). But I was proud of myself. I gutted it out. I could tell my kids I finished with pride. And seriously, did anyone other than me care how long it took me? The answer, of course, is no.

This I know for sure. Finishing a marathon is a remarkable achievement. No matter your background or your training, it’s a legit distance and the unexpected can take anyone down.

This I also know for sure. You really need to know how to fuel. It’s a long way. Your body burns a lot of energy. While my method in training worked on each long run, I later learned I was seriously under-fueled, particularly given the extra five hours of waiting for the games to begin on Staten Island.

But, I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything. I was reminded that I am a tough cookie. I was reminded that achieving a big goal is the bomb. I was reminded that each of us is human and some days require a whole lot more grit than others.

And I knew that I wasn’t done. But the next part of the story deserves another chapter. This first chapter has already been far longer than I had planned. But another thing I’m reminded of – it’s so easy for the words to flow when you are writing about something you love.

Tonight I am full of gratitude.

Grateful for my life. The people I love. And for my health.

For the last week or so, I have not felt well. A few days with a fever, after taking care of two of my kids that had the same fever. It’s a strange thing – a fever. Even a low-grade fever at my age feels terrible. Like, really terrible.

For the first time in a really, really long time, I felt awful. No energy. I laid on our couch outside my bedroom and binge watched Netflix. It was the first time in my life I actually binge watched a show. Two full seasons of a show called “Friends from College.” Each episode was thirty minutes but I watched two entire seasons. In two days. Plus Lady Gaga’s documentary. I don’t think I’ve ever been so lifeless…in a really, really long time.

That, in itself, is a good reason to be grateful. In the grand scheme of things, a few days is nothing. But then the fever was followed by a sinus infection. Ugh. Allergies gone bad. More lethargy. More napping during the day. More blah.

But then today, hallelujah! I feel almost normal. Still a bit slow and medicated for half of the day, but so much better. And so….grateful.

I hadn’t exercised in over a week and was so ready to do something. Anything. So I went for a very slow three mile run. I was getting out of breath just walking up a flight of stairs, so my expectations were not high. But I wanted to move. So, move I did.

It wasn’t pretty. Downright pokey, actually. But I was so…. grateful to move.

I thought about all of the people in the world with debilitating illnesses, life threatening conditions, or even my own youngest daughter, who cannot run due to her disability. There is a reason to be grateful for movement.

I was reminded of the power of gratitude. And how meaningful life can be when we are grateful for what we have. For all of our gifts – big and small.

In my latest reading, I’ve found many authors recommend keeping a gratitude journal. I actually have one of these. I bought it several years ago. And it’s still empty.

Its not that I haven’t been grateful. I just haven’t prioritized the practice of writing it down. The theory behind a gratitude journal is that by knowing you will record your grateful things at the end of the day, you will go about your day being seeing reasons to be grateful. I buy into this.

In many ways, this blog has reinforced how this small practice can work. When I first started writing, I saw that I did pursue inspiration through-out the day. I was more mindful. Paid more attention. Sought inspiration and creativity.

So I’m going to give this gratitude journal a shot. Here’s to day one! What better day than April 14th than to start?

If not now, when?