Category: Uncategorized

Heroes can reach us in the most unlikely of places. You just have to pay attention and wait to be inspired.

Case in point….Cher at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. On my recent girl’s trip, of which I did not feel guilty for taking, I planned my usual favorite itinerary.

A little bit of nature. I had always wanted to hike around Red Rocks Canyon, just a short 20 minute drive from the Strip. Somehow, after countless trips to Vegas I had never made it there. So I rented a car with this in mind and took my sisters and mom on a beautiful hike.

A lot of good food. A huge part of any girls trip is eating and drinking. I am stating the obvious. But to ensure you really eat and really drink well, one must plan. I made dinner reservations at my favorite spots and we ate like queens. I love introducing people I love to new and delicious food. To their credit, they were totally up for it. And, of course, signature cocktails can make a good day great.

Pool time. Of course. Shopping. Obviously.

But a girl trip goes next level when you push outside the usual and do something unexpected. Which brings me back to the unexpected hero worship.

For a belated birthday gift for my mom, we bought tickets to Cher. Now, I like Cher. She seemed quite groovy back in her prime and I was a legit fan for a minute during her “Turn Back Time” era. The lady can sing. And I always liked that she had a bit of an attitude.

Of course, I’m under-selling. She is also an Academy Award winning actress. She has delivered hits for literally decades. And at 73 (!), she is killing it on stage in a residency run in Vegas.

She put on an incredible show. Opening with a monologue about her early days playing small nightclubs, I was reminded of the resilience she has displayed over the years. What a fighter she had to be to find her independence from Sonny during a time being independent was frowned upon. How she has reinvented herself….time and time again.

And, how at 73, she can somehow still rock a stage nearly naked. For real. Not just in one outfit.

But two.

See what I mean? I love a lady that has lived a rich, full life on her own terms. She has embraced her talent, hustled, and is still entertaining – with a wink and a smile. You can tell she finds the whole Vegas schtick a bit absurd. But you can also tell she is being paid a boatload and she’s all good to play along.

She has an incredible life story and I can’t wait to read her memoir when it comes out in a few years. Apparently she is writing it right now. In the meantime, I leave you with a few wise words from the queen herself.

Today I am on a flight to Las Vegas. VEGAS BABY!!!

Truthfully, I’m not a huge Vegas fan. I don’t gamble. I’m a little old to be getting down in the club. Although I still love to tear it up.

But you know what I do love?

Recharging.

Girl time.

And I’m gleefully excited to have both on the horizon!

I’m meeting my mom and my two sisters for a long girl’s week-end. In what I hope is becoming an annual tradition, we’re meeting each spring – somewhere sunny – to relax and enjoy each other.

I’m ever so lucky, because these are my favorite women in the world. They know me better than most people on this earth and we can talk about anything. We laugh, share old stories, shop, eat and drink, and have a grand old time. Making memories with people I love is one of my most favorite things.

Before girl’s weekend kicks off, I have two days of work commitments. These commitments also involve doing what I love – storytelling, speech coaching, strategizing – with people who I have worked with for many years.

All in, I will be gone from home for six days. SIX DAYS!! By myself. With no immediate family.

How do you feel when you read that?

“Lucky you!”….. “Your husband must be a saint for running the show without you.”…. “I can’t imagine leaving my family/traveling for that long. I would miss my kids too much/my husband wouldn’t survive/etc.”….. “Why aren’t you going to Paris?”

So many degrees of reaction – I’ve heard them all.

I’ve been a mom for 16 years and not just a working mom, but a career-oriented professional, the entire time. Without a doubt, being a great mom is my top priority. I love my kids more than anything else on the planet.

But I also love to work. I really, really love to use my brain. Learn new things. Feel like I am accomplishing things professionally. It is a part of who I am, at my core. Always has been. It’s the same girl that wanted straight A’s, to win a debate, to be student of the month, and to be an All-American athlete. I still want these things.

For years, I would downplay my ambition and intelligence because most of my children’s world was made up of mom’s who worked in the home. These mom’s were – and are – some of my best friends. I admire their commitment, selflessness, and the joy they receive from their children. I appreciate their carpooling, fundraising, and making our community that much better. Most of the men I worked with had wives that stayed at home. And most of the women I worked with didn’t have children of their own yet. None of these amazing people asked me to downplay my professional aspirations or love of work, but I somehow felt that I should.
(this is totally on me, not them of course).

Would the world agree it is possible to be a great mom AND unabashedly love my job?

These dynamics have all changed over the years, but many times I have been asked “Why do you work?” Over time, I have gotten more comfortable with answering honestly, “Because I love it.”

And I have always felt that I could be a great mom and have a career. Were there trade-offs? Absolutely. Does it require a circus balancing act and tremendous juggling? Definitely. Did I need a lot of help? For sure. For many years, did I put myself last on the totem pole of joy? Hell yes.

But here is the most refreshing thing I have learned. It was possible. I have great kids. They feel loved and they know they matter in this world. They have big hearts and are great friends. They have access to education and activities and social awesomeness. While there were many years when they would ask me to be a “home mom”, I also would see their pride when they talked about my job with their friends.

I have never been ashamed of my career with them. Instead, I’ve framed it positively as an opportunity for me to contribute to our world, help support our family and present them with unlimited opportunities, and for me to continue to use my brain and do what I love. BUT I LOVE THEM MORE THAN ANYTHING!!

Now that they are older, leaving home is easy. I’ll admit I am still a little scarred by a few departures for work trips that were marred with tears and “Don’t go!” demands. But now, they have their own lives and that little girl that used to beg me to stay home now just asks me to Uber to the airport so she can drive my car while I’m gone. It is SO refreshing to not feel guilty – not the least little bit – about prioritizing myself for a few days. I am so worth it. And they are all so capable of making it just fine without me. We’ll miss each other, sure. And I will give them extra huge hugs when I return.

For now, I’m relishing my alone time on this plane. I’m excited about the extra big suitcase I packed (and checked due to size!) to ensure I have as many wardrobe options as I’ll want. I’m thinking about which spa treatments I might schedule. I’m looking forward to checking out the pools at the hotel. No guilt. Nada.

Am I grateful for my husband holding down the fort while I’m gone? Sure! Just as he was grateful when I held down the fort for his recent 8 day trip to Ireland. Or his upcoming long golf week-end with his friends. I won’t make him feel guilty for a second. And I expect the same in return. Both from my family and the universe at large.

You see, mommy guilt can be the real deal. It’s a heavy burden and suppresses the amazing mom you likely are and makes you feel guilty about embracing the other talents and passions in your life. The challenge is no one wins.

I believe no one’s entire value should be based on roles we play for other people. If we are always living only for others, we risk forgetting what makes us innately happy – on our own terms. It has taken me years to confidently say – unapologetically  – I want more in my life. I love being a mom, yes. But I also love learning new things, accomplishing big wins professionally, running marathons, girl time, and wearing cute clothes. Whatever makes you happy – I hope you are able to do it guilt free with support from those you love the most.

This first week of spring has been incredible. The sun has been out, temperatures hovering in the mid-70’s, birds chirping, and flowers blooming. I’ve made an effort to get in a few runs after work while the sun shone and even cut out of work early one day and sat in my backyard and read a book (Bryan Stephenson’s Just Mercy – incredible) one afternoon.

Bliss.

Spring often means spring cleaning. I’m embracing this concept this year but extending it beyond the traditional de-clutter or spruce up your home definition. As we still are settling into our new home, we don’t have the need for the traditional spring cleaning yet.

So this year, spring cleaning is focused inward. The winter this year was a bit of a grind. I was distracted with job interviews, my foot has had a lingering case of tendonitis (which is SUPER annoying) and my runs were disrupted, the dark skies bothered me more than usual, and I just wasn’t firing like I like to. Nothing terrible, but not enough joyful moments.

My spring cleaning is focused on Marie Kondo’ing things in my inward life that do not bring me joy. You know, we all have them. Time spent not doing what you love. Distractions that weigh you down. Negative thoughts that aren’t helpful. Friends that don’t meet you half-way, or part-way. Gossip or complaints that can become toxic. Bye. Bye.

Instead, I’m looking forward to three incredible vacations with people I love. I’m going to physical therapy again to fix this silly foot. I’m proactively driving my job hunt versus waiting for the dream job to come to me. I’m exploring other investments in myself to help me learn new things and continue to grow. I’m expanding my reading material out of an unintentional self-help rut to broaden my perspective.

And I’m making time to be silly. Singing bad rap songs with my daughter. Joking with my son. Dancing around the house with my youngest. Sharing goofy snapchats with my sister. Being silly is a great way to spring clean any dark clouds away.

While not always easy, happiness can be a mindset, and choosing to frame the world as you wish to see it. For now, I wish to see the world as full of possibility, wash with sunshine, and every day as the opportunity to do what I love with those I love.

Today the sun shines and it’s a brilliant day to write again. I’ve had a relatively good case of the winter blahs and have not had an ounce of inspiration to write.

There hasn’t been a particular cause for my blahs – just caught up in the general busyness of life.

I did have one distraction that impacted me more than I realized. I applied for a new job at Microsoft, where it is common to switch jobs every few years.* I really, really wanted this particular job. I researched it, met with experts in the space and wrote a detailed five page business plan, all before my interviews. In many ways, it felt like the culmination of many years of hard work and hopefully, a well-deserved promotion.

I had an extensive interview loop across eight people including several VIPs. By all accounts, I did well, but there was another strong candidate. After a month of waiting, I finally found out this week that I did not get the job. Sigh. Sob! Blah. I can’t recall being this disappointed in my career for at least a decade. It was then that I realized how distracting the process has been for me. I think it literally sucked the creativity right out of me.

But, I went for it. Jumped right into the arena. And I will never regret going for it. Or anything else that matters to me in life.

Like any good disappointment, this one provided a learning opportunity. I took a few days to be seriously bummed. Like, wallow in self-pity/the sky is falling disappointment. I knew I was being dramatic. But I just rolled with it. Once in a while, you’re entitled to have a good wallow. I shed a few tears, which is very uncommon for me. And had one very solid cry session. Along the way, I reminded myself, “It’s just a job”, “there are far worse things happening in the world”, “I am ever so lucky in so many ways” and more. But I also just let myself soak in disappointment for a few days. Sometimes, you earn the right.

And then. I went to hot yoga a few days ago and there were my lessons! Just waiting for me while I downward dogged and sweated my way through the hour long class. Not every yoga teacher teaches life lessons, but on this day, Kylie did.

While I was trying hard to focus on being present, I desperately wanted to get my phone and take notes! Instead, there were a few key phrases that connected with me – at my core – and I repeated them like a mantra until I could get to my car and type them into my phone.

I do feel like I should caveat the dramatic opening of this blog with a few things:

1. This is not my only dream job. I truly believe there are many, many options available and if this one didn’t happen, it wasn’t meant to be. And I still have a great job at Microsoft – lucky me!
2. There were some red flags about this job that could have made it a not perfect dream job. Amidst disappointment, it is helpful to remember these.
3. My life is good. Really, really good. A healthy family, good friends, a home I love, and so much more. But it’s OK to still be pissed off once in a while.

So here are my life lessons from not getting a dream job, courtesy of Kylie the yoga teacher.

Check Your Foundation

I think Kylie meant to make sure your feet were firmly planted. But to me, this means so much more.

When we hit a rough patch of any kind, what foundation can we come back to? Who are the people you can count on, no matter what? Who believes in you, encourages you, and pushes you to believe that you do deserve the very best of your dreams? What brings us joy, regardless of the curveballs thrown our way? Even while muddling through disappointment, what can we do to plow through and not get stuck?

For me, I’m grateful to have a handful of family and friends who said just the right things. Whether in conversation, text or message, this is the tribe that lifted me up. We have to take care of this tribe. Invest in them. Because we all need a tribe to support us through the disappointments or hard times we will inevitably face.

And we must not lose sight of the joy in life. In my grumpy days, it was prioritizing laying in bed with my daughter and watching ridiculous memes. Coming up with dumb jokes to coerce a smile out of my teenage son. Cuddling with my youngest at the end of the day. Sitting on my favorite comfy chaise with my favorite furry blanket and a glass of wine, reading a good book. Immersing myself in my favorite TV shows of the moment (Goliath with Billy Bob Thornton on Amazon – dramatically good – and Workin’ Moms on Netflix – hilarious). Going for a run to clear my head. The best thing about the foundation is that it is solid. These are things in life you can count on. To show up. To bring you joy.

Know your foundation, check it (per Kylie) and make sure it’s strong – you never know when you’ll need it.

The Journey to Depth is Through Letting Go

On this one, Kylie was encouraging us to not fight our poses, but to simply let our bodies go. In a broader context, I find this notion powerful.

Sometimes, particularly in a professional setting, although really life in general, it can be so easy to get caught up in the destination (i.e. the promotion, or next big job). If we focus too much on the destination, we can miss the simple brilliance of the journey.

Some of my best professional experiences have had nothing to do with a shining reward at the end. But, they were amazing because of the impact I had, the people I worked with, and how much I learned. It’s such a good reminder to not lose months of your life fighting for, and wishing for, the next big thing at the expense of enjoying the journey. At the end of our days, it will be the journey that was memorable. Not the destinations or milestones that we reached along the way.

Of course, the value of seeking depth (professionally, in relationships, you name it), is that we’re seeking to push ourselves to see just how far we can go. I still love this notion. There is value in pursuing depth of experience, depth of expertise, depth of relationships. I’m not suggesting we step away from the pursuit of depth – but keep the perspective of enjoying the journey. Ironically, depth may be best achieved when we stop fighting and let go. This can be one of the delightful surprises of life. At times in my career, I’ve learned the most from what I thought would be a lateral move. I’ve gained incredible mentors, made new friends that evolved from colleagues to lifelong friends.

Letting go sometimes is just what you need to embrace the joy in what you have, take some risks, and push yourself to not just race to a destination, but to embrace the journey.

Surrender to Your Flow, Only You can Define It

Flow, of course, in yoga is a term used for vinyasa yoga. There are many definitions (I just searched it!), but the one I love the most defines flow as “the act of setting an intention and taking steps to reach it.” Swap intention with goal and this is quite broadly applicable.

The beautiful part of this lesson is the role that you uniquely play. How powerful that each of us gets to define our flow. And a really important reminder for me in this particular instance.

In life, it can be so, so easy to get swept up in the comparison game. So-and-so moved up the ladder more rapidly. Why not me? I’m better at x,y,z than so-and-so, shouldn’t I be the obvious choice? Is there any place for loyalty in the corporate world? Why do some people get taken care of, and others not? So-and-so is living their dream, am I? Should I leave a big corporation and do something in support of myself, vs. the company? Oh, so many questions.

And it extends to our personal lives too. This family seems to have it all. Those children are perfect. That person has a million friends. They go to the coolest places. The common denominator? Comparison.

A wise person once said comparison is the thief of joy. I believe this so wholeheartedly. If I pause, let the comparison game go, and just bask for just a moment in my life and my dreams, generally I believe I’m right where I’m supposed to be. Right now anyway. In imperfect balance, but balance nonetheless. This is surrendering to my flow – defined on my terms. And while I have this short-term disappointment to shake off, I realize in the big picture, I still have every opportunity to learn and grow, financially contribute to my family, and be a present mom and wife.

My journey continues. And there likely is a next step for me on the horizon. But in the meantime, I’m going to love and nurture my foundation, enjoy the journey, and define my best flow on my terms. Namaste.

*For the last 21 years that I’ve been at Microsoft, I’ve switched jobs typically every two years. It’s an awesome perk – I’ve switched disciplines (from PR to product management to marketing to content development to PR and back to marketing), products (Windows, Office, Xbox, Bing, and MSN), and learned from many brilliant managers and colleagues. It’s why I’ve stayed for 21 years.

Tonight was a beautiful sunset. The sky was literally bright pink and purple with dare I say, a hint of gold?

It was a gorgeous wrap to today. I really wish I had a picture of it. But I was driving carpool to basketball practice. Trust me, it was beautiful.

It would have been such a great backdrop to today’s blog. So imagine a beautiful sunset:)

Today’s inspiration is Michael Gervais, the wise man behind the Finding Mastery podcast series. It’s an awesome series.

The interview I was listening to on my drive home from work (this was before the quick turn to drive basketball carpool) was with Des Linden, who won the Boston Marathon in 2018. The conversations are always much deeper than any given area of expertise and today was no different.  

The statement that caught my ear during a conversation about the definition of success was really profound.

“You don’t have to do something extraordinary to be extraordinary.”

What a relief! I’ve been a bit…overwhelmed?…with the notion of how to find my extraordinariness. My success. Sometimes, the more books I read about purpose, meaning, being a warrior, girl washing my face, etc. the more confused I get. Am I doing enough with my life? Am I living out my purpose? Am I making the most of every day? Ahhhh!

Some days, I can barely remember to call the school to tell them my daughter is out sick and also hit major work deliverables and also eat a proper lunch all in the same day (I only did two of the three today, FYI. The dropped ball was remembering to call my daughter’s school). And somehow I need to find my purpose too?

So every now and then, I set it all aside. Instead, I celebrate my 2 of 3 wins today. I read my book club book instead of something profoundly life-changing. This month’s is An American Marriage and it is incredible. And it isn’t pushing me to be my best self or anything!

But Michael’s advice today – and I think I can call him Michael because I actually hosted him at work for a team meeting – really resonated. Maybe it’s up to me to define what extraordinary is to me right now. Some days it’s being an extraordinary mom. Some days its being an extraordinary teammate. Occasionally an extraordinary writer. Or maybe it’s just being better than average at all of those things and that, in itself, is extraordinary. Mind blowing.

So today I’m going to set aside the pressure to be EXTRAORDINARY. And just relish the extra ordinary nature of the life I have. It’s a good life. And today, it’s absolutely good enough.  

Oh Saturday, how I love you.

You know why? Saturday is (or can be) the ultimate gift of time. An unencumbered day without work, homework, or other must-do’s. There is still another whole day to worry about laundry, groceries, or other life stuff. Often we have basketball games to cheer at and other parental duties, but I enjoy being a cheerleader. Mostly, it’s a full day to largely fill as we wish.

Today started brilliantly. My most favorite way to start a Saturday. Even more than sleeping in (which I really, really enjoy and don’t do nearly enough).

I met my girlfriends for a run at 7am. I got a great night’s sleep. Got up in time for a cup of coffee and a banana. Put on my warmest running clothes and ventured into the icy, frosty outdoors.

There’s something magical about being up before most of the world. You kind of feel like you’re killing it before the day even starts.

Combine that feeling with girl talk for an hour while banking your exercise for the day, you really are winning at life in that moment. This I must do more often.

I haven’t gotten in a groove post-holiday. A million excuses (an achy foot, travel, a busy schedule, worsening traffic making it harder to squeeze in a morning work-out, high school mid-terms that call for great breakfasts and strong support in the morning, etc). I could go on. But really, it’s in these moments that you should prioritize moments that bring you joy amidst the chaos.

A run with girlfriends to start the day. Brilliant.

As for the rest of the day, I don’t have to do anything!! I love it! When we have these moments, we must cherish them. Thoughtfully take advantage of them. Write a blog in our bath robe while sitting in our dining room before 10am as I’m doing right now. Whatever it is we love, today is the day for doing those things.

Of course, I will do other things. I already made two of the three kids breakfast. I’ll cycle laundry through. I will clean up messes. But mostly, I will breathe deep and enjoy the day.

I hope you do too.

Well whew.…I had a few positive blog ideas this week but I did not sit down to transfer from head to screen. Instead, the words rolled around inside my head while I commuted, in various meetings, while I parented, etc.

Carving out white space time to write is….hard. And this week, unlike my last optimistic post, was kind of an extended hang-over. Even with the best of intentions, life happens. And sometimes, you have to put your head down and plow through. Swim against the current. Run up the hill. Unfortunately, not every week is smooth sailing. This was one of those weeks. Professionally challenging. Personally emotionally hard. In these moments, it is so important to pause. And recharge.

Last night, I captured this picture of my dog, Zoe, which pretty much summed up how I felt.

In a word, beat.

Starting last night, the focus was on recharging. I started off by snuggling my youngest daughter while we watched her favorite YouTube videos. I needed to rise up and be a warrior for her this week, so the cuddles were extra special.

I didn’t exercise all week. A surefire recipe for feeling sluggish by the end of the week. Last night at dusk I went for a run. An easy four miles. With each mile, I shed the week. Bye bye.

And then I took a bath. Another one!!! With a glass of wine and a good book. Relaxing. Recharging.

The night ended with a great dinner and a Netflix movie. Nothing glamorous or exciting. But exactly what I needed.

And then….I slept until 9am today!!!! For real. I never, ever sleep that late. My youngest is an early bird or we have life commitments that start the day, but today, I slept in. As long as I wanted. It was heaven. It’s amazing how clear the world looks with a good nights sleep.

I just got back from a walk with my daughter and Zoe. Some fresh air to start the day. Next up on the agenda is hot yoga.

There will be plenty of moments of parenting, adulting, and catching up this week-end. But for now, I’m relishing the recharge. We all need it sometimes, don’t we?

This week was one big hangover. And not the “woohoo! I had a killer night and I’m paying the price this morning, but it’s worth it” kind.

It’s the first week back after the holiday. Otherwise known as re-entry. Also known as survival week. Also known as the extended holiday hangover.

It really doesn’t make sense. You live your life and all of its crazy and for the most part, things roll right along. But somehow, the first “real” week back to reality after the holidays is hard.

This year seemed even more difficult than usual. My kids didn’t go back to school until January 7th, given how the holiday days fell on the calendar. I will tell you right now – that is just too late in January. That same day, I flew to Las Vegas for the annual CES trade show. I go most years for my job, but I can’t recall a year where I departed the same day as re-entry.

So the week kind of went like this. My husband was also suffering from re-entry and was not thrilled with the timing of my work trip. I forgot the times of basketball practices (some had changed) and had to arrange carpools at the last minute – from Vegas. I was texting my nanny frequently to ensure appointments didn’t fall through the cracks – at the last minute – from Vegas. I was digging through an avalanche of email amidst my work commitments – from Vegas.

When I got home Wednesday night, it felt like I had been gone for a decade. I didn’t sleep well in Vegas – you know, the tossing and turning kind of nights. I was tired with a foggy head.

I had a busy schedule at work the last few days. And needed to ace my parenting game so it was time to rally. But the house needed to be cleaned up for the cleaning lady (you know what I mean….), we were missing some essential groceries, my car had no gas, my son needed to be prepared for his first ski bus tonight, and we had some important meetings at my youngest daughter’s school to prioritize.

This afternoon when I got home from work, I was ready to sit. And do nothing. So I cuddled my youngest and did just that. And later this evening, I took a bath.

That might not sound like a big deal, but it is! Our rental house (which we lived in for an entire year) didn’t have a bath-worthy tub. But, we built a beautiful master bathroom with a beautiful tub. But two months after moving in, the only person that had used it was my oldest daughter. It became a running joke with one of my friends – “have you used your tub yet?” Embarrassingly, the answer has been no – until tonight.

You see, I am terrible about taking time to sit. To relax. To soak in a tub. But tonight I did. I used my lovely new bathtub for the first time. And tried to shake off the hangover vibe of the week. I thought of some things that made me smile today and closed my eyes.

Life is good on a day like today. And I think the hangover is gone. I’m ready to make the most of the week-end. And actually start living those resolutions!

And because every blog is better with Zoe, look how devoted she was while I soaked tonight.

Yesterday I went for a basic run. It was intended to be three or four miles. So inconsequential I didn’t even have a plan for distance, or pace. I’m not training for anything. Just running to run. Because I enjoy it.

So imagine my surprise as I completed my run that my brand new Garmin watch (which I love!!) exploded on my wrist with a little alert “best mile award!” Which wasn’t really hard. Because I’ve only run with it twice. But alright! I’ll take a best mile award.

Then it flashed the time, 6:54. For real? I don’t know when I’ve broken a 7:00 mile. Back in the day, my goal was breaking 5:00 for a mile (I got ever so close with a 5:01), but I haven’t had a mile goal in…decades.

So this was kind of awesome. An unexpected gift. It didn’t matter at all. But it was still cool. It was a reminder that I still have some kick in my steps. That I can still surprise myself. And even when just running to enjoy the fresh air, a delightful surprise can make you feel pretty bad ass.

So I wonder….how many 6:54 moments could we each have in life? Whether it’s singing an epic tune in the shower, nailing a killer dance routine in your living room, making a great dinner, delivering an amazing presentation, or getting an unexpected and heartfelt hug from your friend or child?

Really, I think we’re surrounded by the potential of 6:54 moments. That feeling – even if just for a moment – that we’re killing it. We may not have Garmin’s to explode on our wrists at just the right time with an alert to pat us on the back, but do we really need that?

Can’t we just celebrate ourselves? In the moment? And keep seeking the 6:54 moments. They’re out there.

I really do love a New Year. There is something about a new year that feels like a blank journal. 365 pages ahead of you. Empty chapters to complete. In the best of circumstances, you chart your own narrative. And at the end of the year, look back and hopefully respond affirmatively that yes, I made the very most of this year.

I take the New Year’s resolution business seriously. Perhaps that’s why I’m committing to my 2019 resolutions on January 5th. A few days late, but I wanted to thoughtfully recharge post holiday and choose wisely. You see, I think the best resolutions shouldn’t be pressure-filled or trivial commitments you set aside in a few weeks. The best resolutions can be life changing – they push you to look at the world in new ways, experience new things, and ensure that life does not stagnate. They are inspiring and push you to better yourself. They are uniquely yours, which is why it always feels a bit odd and personal to share mine.

But in the spirit of being thought-provoking, or perhaps hopefully inspiring, here is my list for 2019. Some of these are more thematic, others will be more specific.

1. Embrace presence. Initially this item was titled “embrace stillness.” Then I realized that wasn’t quite right. It isn’t quiet that I seek. Although sometimes a quiet moment is a huge gift. But presence is something worthwhile always – being fully engaged, aware and alert to the moment at hand. Not letting life – your worries, your wandering mind, or increasingly, your phone – distract you. What if we could be in the moment – each moment – for this entire year? A bit unrealistic, of course, but a noble goal. A huge thing for me this year will be distance from my phone. It is so obvious, it feels trite to even include. But I think it will ultimately have a big impact on my year, so not only do I include it, I include it at the top. The screen time feature that recently came to iOS is a good one – and terrifying. When I saw my first report, I thought it surely had to be a mistake. But between work emails, social media, and the bulk of my online reading and shopping moving to my phone – yup, its a real number. So I will watch it closely and watch it decrease – dramatically. A few changes will make a big difference. Top of the list? Not bringing my phone to bed. Many nights I think I’m too tired to properly read, so instead browse my phone and read blogs, news articles, etc. Often an hour goes by and I realize – what a waste. I didn’t really read anything interesting or meaningful. I was simply robbing sleep for mindless distraction. Kind of like how I used to treat episodes of Friends, but without the laughter. This will end. Instead, I will choose to be present in each moment.
2. Death to perfectionism. I’ve read a few books this past year that have covered the challenges people, women in particular, face when too focused on being too perfect. Sadly, many of us don’t even realize we’re doing it. It’s the classic good girl syndrome. As young girls in school, we’re encouraged to be quiet, to be good, to work hard to earn our gold star or straight A’s. How ironic that as we enter the workforce, these same traits likely hold us back. An aversion to risk-taking, a delay in action while waiting for perfection, a constant seeking of approval, an inability to accept compliments, and often putting other’s needs ahead of our own. I see this cycle in my own life so very frequently and with so many of my friends. The trick is being aware and mindful that this quest for perfectionism/gold star/straight A is likely holding us back. From pursuing our dreams. From trying new things. From putting ourselves out there to what the universe can offer. Personally, this was one of the most illuminating lessons for me in 2018 and while I really have to work to undue 40+ years of habitual perfectionism, I’m trying hard to approach life with a different lens.
3. Pursue passion and purpose. The Power of Meaning encourages each of us to find our purpose. How do I ensure that I am living fully and experiencing each moment? Do I know my purpose on this earth? Even if not, am I satisfied that each day feels like a meaningful investment to a meaningful life? Purpose on a given day can simply be pursuing joy, it can be focused on those we love, it can be furthering a career, or making a difference in the world. The beautiful thing about passion is that it can be varied and you can have many of them. But, without purposeful focus, our time can drift and our passions can be underserved. This year, I will focus on pursuing my passions with intentional purpose – this is the resolution.
4. Commit to writing. What’s up two days in a row of writing??!! Silly, of course, because it’s only two days. But it’s a start! Every time I write, I’m always glad I made the time and created the headspace. The creative outlet is so good for me and writing with purpose – or without – brings me joy. This is enough. And, I’m encouraged by my nice friends who compliment my writing. In the spirit of Playing Big (another recent favorite book by Tara Mohr), why shouldn’t I write a book? And not someday, but soon. This year I lay the foundation. I’m going to work to structure this blog topically so I can write about things I love and see what perhaps could become book-worthy. Building a readership will be helpful too. While I have built a career at Microsoft building profiles and brands for my company and for many executives, this doesn’t come naturally to do for myself. But it is helpful in today’s world and I love to see comments and feedback. So I will push myself to write, to share, and to promote.
5.  Build strength. I take a broad definition to strength. This resolution encompasses mind, body, and soul. I have really enjoyed my commitment to learning new things and experiencing new points of view via expansive reading. This I will continue to do, seeking out other new ways of strengthening my mind. I’ve started listening to podcasts during my commute (about a decade behind), but I love the opportunity to fill my mind with something interesting vs. radio show host banter. Strength of body will be a challenge for me. While I love to run and work out in general, I prefer movement, so traditional strength-based work-outs haven’t been my thing. As <ahem> middle age approaches, I see what was predicted. The whole use it or lose it phenomenon. So this year, I want to get strong. All over body strong. Arms, core, legs, you name it. No intense body builder stuff, but so I can run healthy and rock a bikini level. This will take some work and commitment, but I look forward to the challenge. Finally, strength of soul is something I will pursue. The Power of Meaning book inspired this one too. How can I strengthen my soul this year? It may be through reading, writing, going to yoga, pursuing new schools of thought, or taking my kids to church. We will see.
6.  Learn new things. This is an extension of one of last year’s resolutions. I am simply giddy with the opportunity to learn new things. It keeps me young and engaged with life. The blanket statement is so generic though, it isn’t overly useful. So I’ll give a few specific examples. I’ll continue to be a voracious reader – at least 20 books this year. I didn’t keep a list last year because it seemed too nerdy, but this year I have no shame in my nerd game. It would be interesting to look back on and remind myself what I have learned. I will learn how to play golf. I may not become a decent golfer, but I’m going to learn how to play. I took a set of lessons years ago before we had kids but have forgotten everything. Now, we live on a golf course. We have a golf cart. My husband golfs. My friends golf. It’s ridiculous that I can’t socially golf. So I will learn. And take lessons this spring/summer with my big kids. A great way to learn is to travel. I like the idea of three trips a year that require planning and research – learning a new culture or uncharted territory. This doesn’t count our typical family vacations which have relaxing at the core or visiting family. I have two on the horizon – a girls trip with my mom and sisters and a trip to Greece in May., so I just need a third! I have some professional goals in this area too, but I’ll share more on those another time.
7.  Embrace food as fuel. This isn’t a new fad diet or a desired number on the scale. It’s a mindset – the notion of embracing food as fuel. The reality is I already eat pretty healthy (most of the time) – or at least not unhealthy. But like many things, I can skimp on myself when time crunched. Which leads to skipping breakfast entirely – even after I’ve gone for a morning run (so bad!!!) – sometimes scarfing down an energy bar for lunch between meetings – or drinking a Diet Coke in the afternoon for the caffeine kick (the aspartame!!). And dinner, wow does dinner get more complex when you have teenagers. My youngest has a special diet so she always requires her own dinner. Then my son plays a lot of basketball on two different teams and has evening practice at least three times a week. Add in tutoring sessions, homework, or other commitments for my oldest daughter and dinner can turn into a three meal circus real fast (youngest, other kids between commitments, grown up dinner). Because of the schedule, we’ve fallen into a rut of the same quickly made meals for the kids, which doesn’t give them a diversity of food, makes the kitchen duty feel endless each night, and we’re all ready for some new options. So this year, I will commit to eating three proper meals a day (yes, that is as ridiculous as it sounds), no more Diet Coke!, more fruits and vegetables, and preparing thoughtful great dinners for us to eat as a family at least a few times a week. Of course we’ll eat the other nights too, but I want special nights. With great new food and dedicated family time.
8.  Develop community and plan for fun. Another one that is a bit recycled from last year and is a bit embarrasing in its lameness. But this one is hard for me! Amidst the parenting, careers, and other life commitments, I managed to make regular exercise a priority in 2018. It was awesome! But I did not regularly deliver on this resolution. It’s too easy for me to drop it when things get busy – and things are always busy! Like every resolution worth having, it will take focus to make progress. As my current favorite guidebook, The Power of Meaning, articulates, a sense of Belonging is one of the four most critical components for a meaningful life. I have dear friends in so many areas of my life and I want more of them! It will take focus, planning and prioritization. But now I have a great entertaining house. And when I drop the whole perfectionist thing, I could have friends over all the time! There are great experiences to have in Seattle and I need to seek these out, put them on the calendar and make them happen. I’d love to pursue joining a running group and have my eye on one that meets Thursday evenings. This will take prioritization, but I want to give it a try. A work in progress this one, but every fun moment, I’m reminded that it is so worthwhile.

So there you have it! Eight resolutions for 2019. I really wanted to stick to five but I couldn’t bring myself to drop any of these. It’s exciting to embrace a year with optimism and energy for what’s possible. And even if I don’t nail them all, I know I will be better for trying. 

Happy 2019!