The Happiness List

This week-end I thought a lot about death. That sentence sounds super morbid, but I believe you can learn a lot about optimizing life by thinking about death. But the focus wasn’t intentional.

Friday, I learned of a former colleague in the battle for his life. He wrote an incredibly brave and moving article for Wired “The Day I Found out my Life was Hanging by a Thread”, regarding his recent diagnosis with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer – and life threatening blood clots. As the CEO of a start-up he loves and a father of two young daughters, this is a man that has so much to live for. I am in awe of his bravery. His summary is profoundly simple: “We are all so fragile. Each day is precious. And the most important parts of our lives are the relationships we invest in.”

Coincidentally, my book of choice for this week-end was Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy, by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant. I chose it as a professional read, but was deeply moved by the memoir narrative through-out the book – Sandberg’s journey through grief following the death of her husband. Deep stuff for sure.

But the most meaningful part of the book to me was the chapter titled “Taking Back Joy.” It shares a unique perspective on happiness – “happiness is the frequency of positive experiences, not the intensity.”

According to author Annie Dillard “How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.” Rather than waiting until we’re happy to enjoy the small things, we should do the small things – every day – that make us happy. I loved blogger Tim Urban’s description – “Happiness is the joy you find on hundreds of forgettable Wednesdays.”

So, how do we string together hundreds of forgettable Wednesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, etc to create a lifetime of happiness? Sandberg found great comfort – and ultimately joy – in a simple exercise. Writing down three moments of happiness every single day. It creates a focus on not only recognizing moments of happiness, but creating them.

Some of you may keep a gratitude journal. It has been all the rage – advocated by the great O (Oprah) herself. I tried this for awhile but fell off the bandwagon. This new lens made it clear to me why – gratitude feels passive to me – like, here are things in life that happened to me that I should be grateful for. A happiness list feels active – here are things I will seek out, invest in, create, and prioritize – toward a distinct goal of happiness.

So here’s what I did. I made a list – randomly, quickly off the top of my head, and in no particular order, of some of the things in life that make me happy.

My Happiness List
• Perfect cup of coffee
• A good run
• A cozy blanket
• Beautiful smelling candle
• A big hug from people I love
• Hearing my children laugh
• A great book
• Sun on my face
• Music – always
• Talking with girlfriends
• Learning something new
• Writing something I’m proud of
• Making people feel good
• A cute outfit
• An organized house
• A glass of wine to end my day
• Cuddles from my dog
• Taking beautiful pictures to represent memories
• Traveling to new places
• A perfect night of sleep
• Beaches and oceans

Then I tried to envision what my perfect day would be like. True to the exercise “if you only had one day left on earth, what would you do??” – I tried to really focus on what my ideal happy day would look like. It is GORGEOUS.

My Perfect Day
• Sleep in – wake up perfectly rested
• The perfect cup of coffee with a good book
• A great run, with awesome tunes, and a beautiful view
• An incredible huge breakfast – I’m going with huevos rancheros, lots of avocado and fresh fruit
• Then a massage – outdoors, with the ocean in the background
• Then hugs and cuddle time with people I love
• Beach time with endless chips, salsa, and guacamole – and Corona
• More hugs and conversation with people I love
• An incredible dinner with wonderful conversation – this one is tougher to nail down (need to work on this), but dessert is definitely something chocolate
• A nice glass of wine, a cozy blanket, and a great book to end the day

Here’s what I found. While I can’t always be on a beach – and life responsibilities make it impossible to have the perfect day EVERY day – true happiness can come in the form of little things, that CAN bring great joy – daily. The key is recognizing what they are – and prioritizing them.

Every day I can enjoy a great cup of coffee to start my day. I can make time to laugh and cuddle with the people I love. Prioritize exercise that makes me feel great and often jump-starts my creativity. Set aside “me time” for things I enjoy – whether taking the perfect quick photo or writing this blog. And, most days can always end with a great book, cozy blanket and amazing glass of wine.

I’ll end this blog with wise wisdom from the great O, “What I know for sure is that every day brings a chance for you to draw in a breath, kick off your shoes, and step out and dance – to live free of regret and filled with as much joy, fun, and laughter as you can stand….You have the choice this very moment – the only moment you have for certain. I hope you aren’t so wrapped up in nonessential stuff that you forget to really enjoy yourself – because this moment is about to be over. I hope you’ll look back and remember today as the day you decided to make every one count, to relish each hour as if there would never be another.”

Cheers to happiness….

Author: Lisa Gurry

Defined as a Writer. Creator. Mom of 3. Runner. Fashion lover. Traveler. View all posts by Lisa Gurry