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I’m thinking a lot about time lately. Largely, how there never seems to be enough of it.

It’s tied to this blog, in that I need to find time to write it. And the creative energy to write something worthwhile.

I’m trying not to worry about a specific cadence. Or quality bar. Or editorial calendar. Although it is SO in my nature to want to map it out specifically. For now, I’m going with the “no plan” approach in the spirit of unplanned fulfillment.

But it is a fact of reality for most of us that time is seriously compressed. Requiring daily, if not hourly, prioritization to spend time on what matters most.

This week-end, apparently, this blog didn’t matter most. Instead, a fun dinner with friends, shopping for the perfect gifts for my soon-to-be 15 year-old daughter, watching TV with my big kids, organizing for an upcoming house move and other week-end household chores, going for a few runs, watching my son’s cross-country meet, taking my daughter for a manicure, finishing my book club book, and hosting a dinner party for extended family took priority. No wonder I didn’t find time to write.

I do love that while my time felt compressed, it was intentional. As much as I love to write, I didn’t love it enough to choose it over the other items.

The importance of the intentionality of time resonates with me. Two recent studies caught my eye and reinforced this:

First, I ran across a very cool TED talk from Adam Alter. He analyzed a pile of data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics and the app Moment, which tracks smartphone use, to assess how people spend time. He found that sleep and work take up roughly two-thirds of your day, pretty much any year. Same for survival activities, such as bathing and eating. Our time spent on these activities has largely stayed unchanged.

What has changed? How we spend our precious remaining free time – really just a few hours a day for most of us. The big difference? Screen time.

Compared to 2007, when screens ate up mere minutes of our free time, the ratio has now flipped. Practically all free time now goes toward screens. Check out this chart – I found it eye opening.

The red space represents all the time we spend on screens. The puny yellow and white slivers that remain? Which is decreasing significantly each year? This is where the “where the magic happens,” Alter says. “That’s where your humanity lives, and right now it’s in a very small box.”

It’s interesting that the spike in time spent on screens maps to the growing adoption of smartphones and social media. The correlation is not by accident. The iPhone was introduced in 2007. It is so easy to get lost in your phone – scanning various social feeds, reading news, playing games and tap, tap, tapping. How much of our life are we – potentially – wasting by tapping on our phone versus living our life?

The types of experiences on screens vary of course. In Atler’s speech, he describes two types of activity:

1) relaxation, exercise, weather, reading, education and health
2) dating, social networking, gaming, entertainment, news, and web browsing

In category #1, we spend about 9 minutes each day on each activity. In category #2, we spend about 27 minutes each day on each activity. The big difference?

Category #1 has been proven to drive happiness – and category #2 has been proven to drive unhappiness when used to excess. In the case of social networking, in particular, there are many studies that show the more frequent you use social media, the more likely you are to suffer depression.

In one study, participants that use social media very frequently have 2.7 times the likelihood of depression due to exposure to “highly idealized representations of peers on social media elicits feelings of envy and the distorted belief that others lead happier, more successful lives,” says the study.

In summary, “People that engage in activities of little meaning on social media makes them feel like they are wasting time.”

I don’t think this is unique to social media. I think it’s true for any activity that you spend a ton of time on that does not have meaning.

Here’s another interesting cut from the Bureau of Labor Statistics. It breaks down the buckets even further.

No judgement – for real – but amazing to see the difference between time spent relaxing, reading and exercising vs. watching TV and socializing/communicating (i.e. social media). If we get, on average, 4 hours and 59 minutes of leisure time each day, shouldn’t we make it the absolute BEST 4 hours and 59 minutes possible? 

Since I’ve started paying more attention to the concept of time, here are a few changes I’ve noticed in my life. Much less aimless TV (although re-runs of Friends are always good and I can get sucked into HGTV very quickly (how do you NOT watch a whole House Hunters to see which house they choose?), neither really feels like time well spent – for entertainment or otherwise). Much less time on social media. Much less carrying my phone around like an extra appendage.

Instead, I’m being much more mindful of making time to exercise. Reading great books. Learning new things. Finding a few TV shows that are amazing to really enjoy. And having real conversations with people I love.

That’s not to say I’ve given up aimless activity – we all need down time. But ensuring we make the MOST of our down time is a good goal. Because time is precious. Every hour of the day.

As Atler says, “Life becomes more colorful, richer, and more interesting” when we step away from screens. We have “better conversations and really connect with people.” It’s the difference between looking at the ocean from a moving car – or – putting your toes in the sand, feeling the ocean breeze and sun on your face, and hearing the waves.

And wouldn’t we all choose to put our feet in the sand, feel the breeze on our face and hear the waves?

 

 

 

Today I had a serious fangirl opportunity. One of my favorite authors, Brene’ Brown, was on campus as part of a speaker series. It’s a really cool benefit Microsoft offers – and one, honestly, I rarely take advantage of because I’m…ahem…too busy.

But today I decided to invest in learning. And take an hour to see Brene’ and hear her message. If you aren’t familiar with Brene’, she is the author of four best-selling books: The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, and Braving the Wilderness. She is most known for her TED talk, “The Power of Vulnerability”, which is one of the most popular TED talks of all time. She is a sassy Texan and a hilarious storyteller.

I was a bit late to the Brene’ fan zone. I had heard about her TED talk, but hadn’t watched it. A few years ago, in a moment of coaching at work, I was told to “be more vulnerable.” I’ll admit my first reaction was “would you ever say that to a man??” I was offended and thought surely there was better career advice.

I was wrong. It was great advice. I just didn’t understand the concept.

I finally learned about the power of vulnerability – and empathy – which is one of the cultural cornerstones of our company’s culture.

So today was special. I had to share just a bit of Brene’ with you. Here are the top 4 things I learned from Brene’ (live and in person!) today:

You be You
This is a big one. Brene’ talks a lot about the importance of belonging, establishing an authentic connection to people – and ultimately, staying true to yourself. It’s human nature to want to fit in and belong. The important part of her message is that you can’t have a real connection with people if you change who you are.

She shares that “fitting in” occurs when I want to be with you. Real “belonging” is when you want me to be with you. It turns out fitting in is the opposite of belonging. Instead, start off being your own squad.

True belonging is believing in something so deeply that you have the courage to stand alone and belong to yourself. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are, it requires you to be who you are.

As parents, we can teach our kids to belong – in their glorious uniqueness, not fit in. At work or in our communities, we can create a belonging culture by understanding the unique value and perspective each person brings.

Speak Up
Brene’ talks a lot about stories. How we all create stories to define our lives. Sometimes our stories are relatively accurate. Sometimes they are sugarcoated memories. Sometimes they are melodramatic. Ultimately, the stories are ours – and they matter because a lifetime of memories is really just a bunch of stories knitted together.

Neurologically, she explains that our brains are hardwired for survival. In absence of real data, your brain will make up explanations and justifications – and self-created stories can become real. Since the brain rewards you chemically for producing stories, there is a special kick or calm you feel when you make the world make sense.

The real lesson here is not to leave people to make up their own stories. Silence can breed stories and silence can be damning. It’s so important to not leave words unsaid.

She shared a great story of not getting chosen for a high school team – it was a crushing moment. And her parents said nothing. Largely because they didn’t know what to say and didn’t want to make a big deal of her disappointment. They were probably well intended. But, to her, she felt their silence indicated crushing disappointment and she wasn’t even worth a conversation.

My take-away – don’t leave people to wonder about their own self-worth. Make sure they know exactly how you feel. And work to create cultures where people feel safe and their best stories become true.

Don’t Engineer Smallness
This was powerful. In our efforts to protect our self and out of concern for how others perceive us, it is oh so easy to stay in the comfort zone. To not take a risk. To not speak up.

I found it fascinating that she didn’t know her ultimately hugely successful TED talk was even being recorded. If she had, she may not have had the courage to put herself out there.

In her words, she had such a fear of judgement that she had engineered smallness. Safe in her world as a college professor. With no idea of the impact she could have on the world.

Once the talk went viral, she was mortified by the sentiment of some of the comments on her online TED video. As she described, online comments in their anonymity bring out the “chicken shit cesspool of humanity.” At first, she wanted to take the video down.

But then she saw the other side of speaking up. Not shying away from the big stage. And here she is now – inspiring people all over the world.

The lesson is to not engineer smallness. Do not shy away from the impact you can have on the world. 

Have Courage and Be Vulnerable
Courage and vulnerability are really the cornerstone topics of her message. There is a choice we all make between courage and comfort. And its up to us to make the choice.

She shared that she has never met someone brave who has not had failure. Ultimately, you have to have the courage to fail. As she says, “you gotta be willing to get your ass kicked.” And, “Courage is contagious. Every time we choose courage, we make everyone around us a little better and the world a little braver.”

Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen when you can’t control the outcome. It takes courage to be vulnerable. And it’s a high bar. Because most of us were raised to be brave, but not vulnerable.

They are inter-related. Brene’ says “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”

Ultimately, it’s encouragement to have the courage to pursue your best life – and being vulnerable enough – powerfully so – to pursue your best life as your most authentic self.

She references Teddy Roosevelt’s famous “Into the Arena” speech. I’m sure I’ve heard it before, but wow, is it incredible.

So powerful. So here’s to going into the arena. And daring to fail greatly. But having the courage to do it as our most authentic self.

 

“How are you?”

“I’m so busy!”

“Life is crazy!”

“I’m slammed…”

How many of us answer this simple question this way? I have….many times. It’s a natural response. Certainly true.

But if you stop to think. How. Depressing.

Do we really want to be known for our busyness? Do we want to be defined by the chaos of our lives? Wouldn’t it be better to respond with…virtually anything?

I was reading about this concept the other day. That how you answer this simple question actually can be a mirror to your soul. And, how your answer actually reinforces the out of control/too busy feeling. What if you respond to the simple “how are you” question in this manner multiple times a day? This means, multiple times a day, you are reinforcing that you feel busy. Stressed. Over-done.

The author experimented with answering the “how are you?” question with variations of “I’m great!” He found that his mood lifted. He felt proud of the mirror to his soul. And, even if we ARE busy, don’t we all want to be great?

I had the opportunity to see an incredible presentation yesterday by Dr. Michael Gervais. He is the high performance psychologist for many high performance athletes, including the Seattle Seahawks. I learned so much from him – get ready for lots of blogs quoting Dr. Gervais.

One of the concepts he talked about was the pervasive worry that impacts many of us, particularly those who seek high achievement. And high achievement can come in many forms – high achieving athletes. High achieving parents. High achieving professionals. He described that many of us believe that we “need to do more to be more.” Instead, we need to BE more to do more. He further described this as being more authentic. Being more human. Being more present. Being more focused. 

I loved this concept. It’s so easy to think we should do more – in every avenue of life. But really, the ultimate achievement is being our best self. Being more. Us. Even if we happen to be a little bit busy too.

The quote above is one of my favorites.

“It is not enough to be busy. So are the ants. The question is: what are we busy about?” Henry David Thoreau

So moving forward, if you ask me “how are you?” you’ll likely hear, “I’m fantastic. How are you?”

This morning I went for a long run. For me, right now, this is around an hour. In my life, I’ve gone for much longer and much shorter. But an hour is kind of like the Goldilocks distance – just right. It doesn’t eat up too much of your day, yet you feel like you got in a really good workout. It’s a long enough run that your brain can relax. It’s on runs like these that you can reach the state described as flow – where ideas come and you are perfectly at peace.

Like most days, today’s run started with my mind whirring. Work thoughts. Personal life thoughts. Sunday to-do list thoughts. Like a washing machine, round and round.

Perhaps due to my excellent playlist (today, an eclectic mix of old 90’s favorites, Darius Rucker, Pearl Jam, and…Flo Rida), after a few miles I reached the flow state. Ahhh……

And my brain settled on a walk down memory lane – and everything I have learned from my longest love affair. That’s right, I’ve had an intense love affair with running since I was around 10 years old. I started racing in third grade, began to see good success in fifth grade, and hard core committed in seventh grade. Along the way, running has brought me some of my greatest joys – and greatest heartaches. I’ve met some of my best friends from running. Met my husband on our college track team.

Here are the top 5 things I’ve learned from running, which have informed my life:

1) The Only Way To Reach a Goal is to Set a Goal. Running is a great sport for Type A over-achievers. You can set goals to hit specific times. Specific awards. Specific outcomes. I did this in spades. From seventh grade on, I had specific time goals I wanted to hit for various races (800M, 1600M, 3200M, and cross country). Specific awards I wanted to achieve – starting with All-State in high school, to State Champion to All-American. It was a great lesson in setting goals and then building training plans and mini-goals to serve as markers. With each goal met, stretch goals became reality and I achieved more* than I would have dreamed as a young runner.

2) Hard Work and Grit (Typically) Pays Off. I had an aggressive coach starting in seventh grade who believed deeply in the benefit of hard work. He was a high mileage guy – by the time I graduated high school I was regularly running 70 miles per week. He also was an early teacher of the current buzz phrase “grit.” He regularly told me I wasn’t super talented – but I had a tremendous work ethic. My nickname was Ms. Intensity. I took great pride in this. I loved lining up at the starting line and knowing I wasn’t inherently the fastest, but I had without a doubt, worked the hardest. No one would beat me without really working for it.

3) Always Have a Smart Strategy and Play to Your Strengths. It may seem like running is very straight-forward. One foot in front of the other. First one to the finish line wins. But I loved forming strategies to build on my hard work base. I couldn’t out-kick many runners, so my typical strategy involved going hard from the gun. I was a strong hill runner and I was considered a “mudder” – the worse the weather conditions, the better for me. So I accelerated up huge hills, loved a super muddy course or windy day, and generally worked hard to drop people before I could get out-kicked. Running can be a super fun mind game and I loved to gauge breathing and effort and throw in a surge when I could tell my competitors were hurting. I had a serious game face and a distinct plan for every race.

4) Be Flexible and Creatively Adapt Your Goals. Because my high school career went well, I had many options for college. I looked east, west, and south. Ruled out the north because I am not a fan of super cold weather. Ultimately I chose the University of Arkansas, because they were the #2 program in the country at the time and the coach was a great recruiter. For our first cross-country race, I was our #5 scorer on a very strong team and thought I was on my way to collegiate All-American.

Unfortunately, a few weeks later I got my first stress fracture. Twelve more stress fractures and a dual-leg surgery for compartment syndrome ultimately ended my career. All of that hard work in high school had drained my bone density and it turned out I had the bone strength of an old lady.** It was a vicious cycle. I spent thousands of hours cross-training and in the weight/training rooms. It would take months for an injury to heal given my weak bones, and then I would promptly get hurt again. It was heart-breaking.

So finally, after my junior year, I decided I needed to extend some of that energy toward my future and I retired. It was a very tough decision – a few years earlier I legitimately thought I was bound for the Olympics, as some of my teammates ultimately achieved. But it was the best choice for me, hard as it was. I joined a sorority and got a taste of “normal” college life. I found jobs that would be helpful for my professional communication goals. I ended up graduating early and moved to Oregon for a six month adventure.

Then, I was accepted to the University of Missouri graduate program for communications. I reached out to the coach (who had recruited me and was a super nice guy) and asked if he needed a grad assistant coach. He asked me to run for him instead. It required some paperwork to reverse my hardship scholarship from Arkansas (i.e. I was deemed too hurt to compete), but ultimately, I had my second full scholarship for my fifth year of education. It was unexpected, and required an agreement that I would only train about 30 miles a week (my unfortunate breaking point it seemed) and we would see what I could do.

It took some serious humility on my part. I was training at half speed and for someone who built my strength and confidence based on my work ethic, it was doubly hard. But I tried to embrace the experience – and ultimately was our third scorer at the NCAA cross country championship. A far cry from my earlier individual dreams, but I was so grateful for the experience.

5) The Journey Really is More Important than the Destination. When I look back on my running career, the biggest impact is how it shaped me as a person. I still love a great set of goals, pride myself on my work ethic, and believe deeply in playing to your strengths. Life hasn’t always turned out as I thought it would, but I’ve adapted and made the most of it.

Ultimately, it wasn’t the number of trophies or medals that I won that made an impact. It was the people I met, the friendships I created, and the strength I developed as a person – both in good times and bad.

Sometimes people ask me why I run now. Am I training for anything? How do I fit it in?

My answer is really simple – I run, as I always have, because I love it.

*I ultimately ended up a 5 time state champion, 12 time all-state athlete, and cross-country all-American ranked #8 in the country. Ahh….glory years…

**My bones are totally fine now. It took lots of rest, some medication, and a specific diet but all good!

 

Today I was re-reading one of my favorite Maya Angelou books “Wouldn’t Take Nothing for my Journey Now.” If you aren’t a Maya fan, wow, are you missing out. I never thought I was a big poetry fan, but her writing is like pure poetry for the soul.

Today a beautiful paragraph caught my eye.

“Because of the routines we follow, we often forget that life is an ongoing adventure. We leave our homes for work, acting and even believing that we will reach our destinations with no unusual event startling us out of our set expectations. The truth is we know nothing, not where our cars will fail or when our buses will stall, whether our places of employment will be there when we arrive, or whether, in fact, we ourselves will arrive whole and alive at the end of our journey.

Life is pure adventure, and the sooner we realize that, the quicker we will be able to treat life as art: to bring all of our energies to each encounter, to remain flexible enough to notice and admit when what we expected to happen did not happen. We need to remember that we are created creative and can invent new scenarios as frequently as they are needed.”

I love the reminder that life is an adventure. That we shouldn’t let our routines stifle the joy we can find if we are flexible enough to find it. And that we each are the creator of this marvelous journey we call life.

A co-worker this week shared the beauty of not planning. Sometimes the best plan is not having a plan. Because when we don’t plan, we leave room for adventure and serendipitous joy.

In our overly scheduled lives, do we leave enough time for pure adventure? When we have a down moment, do we use our time wisely and seek experiences that startle us out of our expectations?

What a beautiful concept – the pursuit of treating life as art. How amazing could life be if we brought all of our energies to each encounter? With the intention of creating the masterpiece of a lifetime of adventure?

It’s a noble goal. And what a powerful mindset it could be to start each day seeking adventure.

It’s birthday season at my house. I somehow managed to have three kids with birthdays two weeks apart – August 22, September 13, and September 28. It was completely unplanned. In fact, I was shooting for spring babies each time so I could enjoy a summer maternity leave.

It seems we have a lucky window and were destined to have babies at the end of summer. So, each year, amidst the start of school crazy, I throw in birthday season crazy.

And I love it. If ever there is a day to celebrate, it’s your birthday. The gift of life. The gift of a future. The gift of possibility.

I love a good celebration and I’ve been an over-the-top birthday celebrator since the kids were born. My theory has always been that they’ll have less than 20 birthdays in their entire life that REALLY mean something to them. That are memorable. That are breathtaking. Certainly when they are young, you cannot beat the innocence and thrill of an epic birthday. And then, as they get older, it’s so fun to see glimpses of sheer joy, surprise, and gratitude when you give that perfect gift. Or plan the perfect birthday surprise.

Over the years we typically start the day with breakfast of choice – as long as breakfast of choice can hold candles. Today my son celebrated his 13th birthday. 13! On September 13! What an epic day! He chose chocolate chip pancakes (see above) and bacon and tolerated a robust singing of “Happy Birthday” first thing this morning, with a rousing circle of candles in his pancakes.

I cannot believe he is 13. Everything they say about parenthood is SO true. I knew we would have a Jacob (now known as Jake). He is the only baby we found out the sex in advance. The girls were surprises. After we had Lauren and found out another baby was on the way, Lauren hit the terrible two’s a touch early and I thought, “Dear God, how can I possibly do this??” So, I figured I at least needed to be prepared with boy stuff if baby #2 was going to be a boy. We moved into a new house a month before he arrived, but I was prepared for my little bundle of blue.

I was a bit nervous. I grew up with two sisters and wasn’t sure I knew how to be a great mom to a boy. But of course, you melt the second you see them. In this case, he was in such a hurry to arrive he flew out wrapped up in the umbilical cord – a touch blue. It was a scary moment and I didn’t get to hold him for a bit while he recharged in the heater.

From then on, he has been full speed ahead. Attacking life with passion, creativity, tremendous laughter, and always full of surprises. I love this baby boy, who is somehow 13 – and two heads taller than me – today.

But I digress. I always wanted epic, memorable birthdays for my kids. So we’ve had clowns to the house. Make-up and henna tattoo parties. Indoor sky-diving. Laser tag. Husky football games. Fashion show parties. Massive sleepovers and so much more. And so many wonderful memories. I love a good theme, great friends, ridiculous decorations and all of the disgusting junk food you can eat.

As the kids get older, there is less interest in big birthday parties. As presents get more expensive, there are fewer of them. I miss the days of piles of beloved toys wrapped up with bows – endless Barbie’s, Lego’s, Playmobile, stuffed animals and the memories of youth. I wish I could carry the tradition forward – but instead, we celebrate the incredible people these kids are becoming and the exciting potential of the year ahead. And I will always insist on big celebratory breakfasts to start the day, the perfect gifts, family dinner celebrations, and as much friend fun as they desire.

It also makes me wonder how we can package up this same joy – this same celebration – and apply it to ourselves. We all only get so many birthdays on this earth. And I think they should ALL be epic. If you ever want to celebrate a birthday, I am so there.

Each year is a gift and worthy of celebration. Each year is an opportunity to celebrate every delight and every breath. Each year is an opportunity to realize our strength through every worry and every strife. Each year is an opportunity for us to be surrounded by those we love – and this for sure, is worth celebrating.

So lets not shy away from birthdays. If people who love you want to do something nice for you, let them. And enjoy every single second. Or plan your own amazing celebration. We are all so very lucky to get each and every year. And how marvelous it would be to bring the childhood wonder back to mark each incredible year.

Last night I had the gift of sisterhood. I was lucky to host my book club. We don’t really have a fancy or cute name – it’s just the book club. But this is a group of women who have been meeting once a month for almost 20 years. Over the years we’ve had a few lovely ladies join and a few lovely ladies leave due to home moves, work schedules, or busy schedules. But they know they are always welcome back.

Over the years we’ve read a pile of books. When we started, there were no tablets, Kindle’s, or reading on mobile phones. There was not social media. Most of the book club is now digital, but a few of us diehards prefer the old school physical book.

Over the years we’ve also lived a lot of life. Most of us weren’t married when we started. None of us had kids – now, most of us have two or three. We’ve celebrated the best of times – marriages, children (with many joining book club in their infant car seats in the early years), personal joys and professional success. We’ve also survived deaths, miscarriages, divorces, infertility, job loss and transitions, and other challenges. You learn a lot about people over this many years and the longevity of friendship is a gift.

For me, these were some of my first friends when I moved to Seattle. Sometimes we don’t see each other in between book club meetings. But there is a comfort, familiarity and trust always.

Our format is simple – someone hosts and serves wine and appetizers. Someone leads the discussion of the current book chosen. Someone brings a yummy dessert. And someone chooses the book for the next month. Super easy. Super fun.

Occasionally we go big. For years, we had overnights to Whidbey Island – the ultimate sleepover – with great friends, great drinks, great discussion and the occasional living room dance party. This year, we went huge and several of us spent Mother’s Day plus a few days in Las Vegas. We had the best time. Sun, shopping, great dinners, and a few fun nights out. I’ll leave it at that. But it was an absolute blast.

Last night, I had the ladies at my house. Only one of us (not me!) actually read the book this time. We used to do much better on the actual reading front and this year – for real! – we are committed to returning to the voracious readers and active discussion of years past. Instead, we had tons of girl talk and I got tons of great advice on an upcoming house remodel and the perfect kitchen lay-out identified.

We enjoyed a fair amount of wine for all and the most brilliant handmade (not by me!) blackberry pie with a gorgeous lattice crust. I gave each friend a hug when they arrived and a hug when they left. I love these girls.

Making time for friends is so important. I never regret a moment. And I’m so grateful for the laughs, the tears and the memories.

I love you book club.

Last night I was fortunate to see some of my favorite Mama Bear’s. I texted and chatted with others through-out the week. Of course, the topic of conversation was the completion of the first week of school.

Such a big deal – the first week of school. We are so desperate for our kids to have a great experience, an inspiring education, surrounded by energetic teachers, and kind friends who bring endless fun to the day.

So here’s what I found….the first week went well for some, not so well for others. Growing up is hard – and blissful – and confusing – and ever so righteous. The sun is bright on some days and the sky is falling on others. Most of our kids ride this roller coaster of emotion, just as we did.

As parents, how we do we ride the wave of emotions alongside our precious ones? How do we support and encourage while building strength and character? How do we convey – for those in the valley currently – that it will get better? There is a home for everyone – with your people waiting to embrace you.

In the meantime, we ask ourselves, are we doing everything we can? What can I fix? Did I not prepare them appropriately? How do I MAKE them blissfully happy? How do I FIX any problems RIGHT NOW?

Here’s my message for you this morning – you are wonderful. You are doing the best you can and that is truly good enough. If you didn’t get your gold star or shiny crown yet for being the best parent you can possibly be, consider this virtual delivery.

I know you so well – spending hours and hours of time planning camps, activities, tutors, and more through-out the summer so your kids are equipped and ready for a productive school year. Ensuring school supplies, backpacks, new shoes, cute clothes and fresh haircuts help them approach each day with confidence. Talking and talking about social situations and friends and calming nerves. Planning endless carpools and select teams and extracurricular’s. I’m guessing you didn’t get your gold star for all of this hard work either – but you TOTALLY should have!

Last night I flipped through my next book – it’s a parenting book called “The Awakened Family: How to Raise Empowered, Resilient, and Conscious Children” – it caught my eye at the bookstore recently. The back of the book promises (via the Washington Post), “stop struggling parents…..this new book releases us all from the stresses of ‘making’ the perfect child.” It may end up being a bit woo-woo for me, but in theory, I’m so in.

I’m not sure what happened to our generation. Why do we feel the need – or requirement – to be perfect in all things? Perfect parents with perfect kids and perfect lives? Because here’s the thing – perfection, actually, is boring. It is our flaws, our uniqueness, our experiences – good, bad, and ugly – that make us perfectly human with the originality that makes each of us special. And I believe that is the form of perfection worth striving for.

I did love an early message in the book – the question was “what do children need?” According to the author, every child wants to know <just> three things:
• Am I seen?
• Am I worthy?
• Do I matter?

As long as the answer from you to your child is yes to all of these (and I so know it is), then everything else is the cherry on top. The whipped cream and sprinkles. A beautiful reminder in its simplicity.

Because they are kids and they are human – they will face challenges and rough days – or weeks – or years. It’s not your job to protect them from all pain – as much as we would love to.

Here’s the crazy thing – as hard as it is to ride the wave, it is SO good for them. Because life will throw them curveballs and by fighting through them early and finding their way, they build grit. And strength. And resilience. And belief that they can handle anything. It’s a powerful thing. And truly, a gift for life.

No, it’s not your job to protect them from the wave – it’s simply your job to ride the wave beside them.

For today, I hope you can take a deep breath. Recognize that your hard work and commitment to your kids is more than enough. These kids are ever so lucky. And you really ARE doing it perfectly – however you are doing it.

I don’t often think ahead about what I want to write about. Usually, I see what catches my interest, or makes me pause, or delivers inspiration. Sometimes, if the universe speaks to me multiple times on a topic, that focuses my attention. Today is one of those days delivered via the rule of 3’s…

First, a friend texted me about having a hard day early this morning. It reminded me of a beloved quote that I’ve held close for a decade, which I saw on my daughter’s bulletin board last night (which she found completely on her own). And then I randomly listened to the Beatles this morning while I gave the kids breakfast. Random? I think it was the universe telling me to write about worry today.

I’ve had some experience with worry. We all have. If you’re lucky, you worry about hitting deadlines, to-do lists, scheduling, managing your life or your families’ life. If you are less lucky, you might have really big worries. Worries about health. Worries about significant life changes. Worries about major challenges facing loved ones. It’s these worries that can stop you in your tracks.

When Taylor was diagnosed with ACC nine years ago, the diagnosis brought a tremendous amount of uncertainty. It started with a phone call from a pediatrician who delivered the unexpected news – with information he had pulled from the Internet. He’d never heard of the condition. Never seen it. Despite my best hustling, it took us three months to get an appointment with a real neurologist at Children’s to actually learn more. Three months is a really, really long time when you’ve just been told your precious child doesn’t have a large hunk of her brain. And the Internet is one scary, cesspool of information.

Ever since, with additional health curveballs thrown, like any good parent, you could become paralyzed with the worry of uncertainty. The worry of what’s to come – which is different than you ever imagined. The worry of the end of life as you know it.

Or not.

You seek out ways to not just cope, but to live – boldly and with joy. To manage the worry.

Here are my top four Worry tips – simplistic as they may be. They have been a lifeline for me for the last decade. Whether your worries are everyday worries or big, hairy worries – I wish you peace of mind and the opportunity to seek joy each day.

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1) Find your mantra – When in the throes of worry, it’s easy for it to become all-consuming. I found in the early years I had to fight to not let my fear for Taylor’s future consume my days. I stumbled upon the quote “Worry wastes time” – somewhere. No clue where. But over time, it became my mantra. Said it many, many times a day – usually in my head – but it became my guiding light.

I found this quote on Lauren’s bulletin board and I was one proud mama. I love that she loves quotes and inspiration as much as I do. And I love that she too, saw the wisdom in this one.

 

There is so much in life we can’t control. And if we truly believe every day is a gift, what a complete and utter waste to spend any moment worrying about something we can’t fix. Easier said than done, I so realize. But I have found it very helpful to asses 1) Is there anything I can immediately do to fix it? If so, do it. 2) If not, “worry wastes time” – move on. Distract yourself. Seek joy. Employ HIS.

2) Employ HIS – HIS is my scientific method for avoiding worry. It stands for “Head in Sand”. Sometimes knowledge isn’t power. Sometimes more and more reflection just adds concern. Sometimes talking and talking and talking about your problems just creates a dark cloud over your head and weight on your soul. For these sometimes, I aggressively employ HIS. I keep busy, I listen to great tunes, I seek positivity anywhere I can find it. Head in Sand – it’s a beautiful thing.

3) Seek serenity, courage, and wisdom – While in the early stages of worry over Taylor, I was at my parent’s house and saw this prayer in a picture frame. It now sits in my bedroom (thanks Mom!).

I love so much about it. Regardless of what you believe, find a way to surrender yourself to things you cannot control. Finding serenity and peace that somehow, someway, things do work out. Even if you can’t imagine how. There is peace in acceptance. It may take hard work to get there, but it is a beautiful destination.

And I love the encouragement to have the courage to change the things you can – it’s active and solution-oriented. There is a LOT in life we can control – including our choice to seek joy. Courage, not often easy, but always worthwhile.

Wisdom means we get out of our own way and we pursue solutions – even if the solution, for now, is HIS. Serenity, Courage, Wisdom. Such beauty.

I did a bit of research on the serenity prayer to find its origins (inconclusive – from the mid-14th century to sometime in the 1960s). That is useless knowledge. But I found it interesting – and awesome – that the prayer actually is longer – and the next stanzas in the prayer are:

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;

Now I love it even more. One day, one moment at a time – we keep living and seeking serenity and joy.

4) Listen to the Beatles – This one may sound silly, but I believe music is good for the soul. This morning I was DJ-ing Beatles while making three different breakfasts. It can be a bit of an eye-roller amongst the big kids, but I default to my favorites – “Let it Be” and “Here Comes the Sun”. Both sooth the soul. They are simply beautiful songs. And in the words of “Here Comes the Sun”….. “It’s alright….it’s alright.”

Whatever soothes your soul, I hope you find it. And I wish you peaceful serenity.

Today I’m thinking about new beginnings.

It was Lauren’s first day of high school and I had the honor of driving this morning’s carpool of four new freshman from our neighborhood. It was so cool to see their excitement, energy and a touch of nerves – about to embark on one of the biggest moments of their life (so far). It’s awesome to see their bravery – boldly stepping in a new direction – an entirely new place, new people, and new adventures ahead.

Then at work, one of my most favorite people EVER, dropped by my office. He and his lovely wife have just had the most beautiful baby. They worked awfully, awfully hard for this little bundle of joy and were very patient for their greatest gift. I literally cried when I saw the email from him with the wonderful news. Since then, with each picture, I am reminded of the joy of parenthood and the joy of living. This little girl has no idea how lucky she is – and what wonderful adventures await her.

Both moments offer such great perspective and illustrate the beauty of new beginnings. While not every day can be a notable first like these, wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could embrace the wonder in each and every day? Wouldn’t it be great to embrace the butterflies that come with excitement, anticipation, and the prospect of potential?  Wouldn’t it be inspiring to choose discovery, learning, and the pursuit of something new…always?

It is so easy to get caught up in life, when instead we should seek to MAKE THE MOST OF LIFE and embrace the new. 

These moments connected nicely to a quote I read last night….

I love the encouragement to be whoever we want to be and to make the best of our lives. And I love the concept of seeking to see things that startle us. The opportunity to feel things we have never felt before. And to meet all new people who enlighten us.

Because as long as we’re alive – and as long as we approach each day with courage and energy – each of us can be whoever we want to be and enjoy the potential of new beginnings.